Getting Present to MySelf

Sometimes that hand on my shoulder is a bear's paw.

Karen’s home, for the first time in almost 3 weeks we are in our house together. We have met up and crossed paths once or twice and this is the first time we are both home in awhile. It feels good and right. As she sits over at her desk working on her own writing I feel both more complete and at rest while at the same time I feel a bit pulled to wanting to be with her rather then sinking mySelf into this writing. So I am aware of both a wonderful ease as my cells settle into the place that is so well known and completely safe while at the same time there is a vigilance going on to stay strong and grounded in my own Self and what is important to me in this moment and that vigilance means breathing into the “No, I will not make a comment, joke, smile or coo in her direction that will cause me to shift my attention away from what I am up to right now.” I know those activities are also there in another half hour and at that time I can choose to put my attention fully on her and let that kind of connection flow from a clean place as opposed to a co-dependent place. Right now I can sit in the bliss of my cells being complete and put my attention on what I am doing here and feel even a deeper and more connected love.

This is, believe it or not, still a new practice for me. This holding the core of me and not getting pulled to sacrificing it for the relationship or getting all wrapped up in figuring out what is needed over there of me, and then making sure I get it right and don’t screw it up. This old, and oh so familiar pattern, is right there like the devil on my left shoulder whispering in my ear and trying to distract me, while my higher consciousness, the I Am consciousness, is standing tall beside me with a firm hand on my right shoulder, silent, strong and patient, with a sense of deep knowing who I am and who I am becoming and both reassuring me that I am oh so capable of staying true to mySelf and my commitments while still feeling full of love and connection. There is no convincing necessary as this presence just stands there in a knowing certainty. As I feel the energy from his touch fill my body with that same knowing certainty I can feel my back straighten and my body wake up to it’s true nature, I can feel my heart open and fill itself with the love of Karen and continue to open to feel the love and connection with so many others. As I feel into my left shoulder for that little devil I notice he has vanished, I guess it is just too solid a place for him to hang out in.

Well I just took a little journey, noticing one of the many ways that I can get present to mySelf. A sip of tea, a deep breath, and a bit of contemplation as to what else I want to do right now. What I see is that this is complete for me this morning. I am going to post a poll though and see how you get present to yourSelf.