Since my last post I have been noticing and deepening my consciousness around food and coming face to face with ancient habits of full plates and the challenge of taking less. I have been taking less and less and I am not down to 1/3 yet. Movement has begun and results are starting to show as well, my clothes seem to be a bit looser.
I am going to include the post to the Ermine here as I think it is relevant if not a bit redundant.
It is time to come clean with an intention I have been building. I don’t quite know which practices I have been using, but it feels like an Expanding / Contacting experience that I am holding over time.
Last month when you, Liz, started talking about your body while we were working on expanding and contacting I think something deep began to work in me and I started to think about my body and a desire began to rise, that I am very familiar with, to do something to change it. The first thing that I did was to look around at things I had done before, weight-watchers and other programs around food and I thought about joining a gym again or beginning another training program for walking a marathon. At the same time this disgusting old story was growing louder in me about why would I do programs that other people had created to tell me what I should do when every time I have done those programs in the past I have come back from them and my body has gotten even bigger. I began the very familiar war in my head over my body.
I went to a nutritionist/kinesiologist in an attempt to “learn to listen to my body”. He did some excellent muscle testing and told me about some foods I might want to stay away from and then proceeded to give me a whole lot more advice about what I should do. Adding fuel to the fire of my disbelief in my own voice while at the same time helping me to see some true things about my body. I then went off to my therapist who had lost a lot of weight after a heart attack and of course was an evangelist for her program, FFA which is sort of a kinder gentler OA, however she is also an excellent therapist and could realize that I wasn’t converting to her rap and as we got into the therapy I realized that it is total crap that I don’t know what is good for me and what I like. It is also total crap that I don’t know what to do in order to take care of my body, that I am not a bit confused or anywhere close to a victim of all of the differing opinions out there about what I should do.
Most of all I realized that I CAN NO LONGER TOLERATE THE STATE OF MY BODY AND STEP INTO THE ME I AM MEANT TO BE. I also realized that I need to create my own program around this and that it can’t contain any of the failed practices of the gazillion other programs that I have participated in. I will no longer receive any advice on what I should do, I know exactly what I need to do and I will do exactly that, keeping the four agreements fully in place throughout this program, which should be for the rest of my life. Because this is more of a change in my behavior then a plan or a program.
I am also not beginning this program impulsively or compulsively. I have formulated it and I am creating a blog to set up some accountability around it and I am starting to open my consciousness up to it as I experiment with it. I am becoming aware of emotional ties that I thought I had buried with that old taproot, I am becoming aware of habitual ties to ways of being around food and exercise. I am choosing at this point to just be aware and notice these things as they arise and keep noticing. My intention is to have created the space and consciousness to fully engage with the program on Jan. 5 when I return from my long planned New Years celebration trip with Karen.
The program itself is relatively simple and I call it Moderation 1/3 2/3s
My intention is to eat only 1/3 of what is on a “normal” plate of food and to do 2 to 3 times the movement for any activity. So I will go up and down the stairs 2-3 times for every time I go up or down, I will park 2-3 times the distance from any destination and walk 2-3 times as far or as fast on any walk.
I notice that in just holding this intention and creating consciousness around it that my clothes are already a tiny bit looser.
I intend to invite you all to the blog when I officially kick it off on Jan. 5 and I hope you will come and visit and comment if you feel like it.
I wanted to thank you all and especially you Liz for beginning this expansion process that I am in the midst of and feeling my self gathering this energy and focusing and contracting it to firm and dedicated action.