Here I am at home with a cold and achey all over on the first day of 2009. The plan was to be at a luxurious spot in Napa valley for gourmet food and wine tasting and then to come home and kick this program off on the fifth of January. Well there is no gourmet wine trip to be my last remaining excuse for not getting this sucker going so here I am poised at the “official” beginning of this new way of being for the rest of my life and I am feeling incredibly resistant. I am scrambling for excuses, I have a cold, my back is all tweaky, I wasn’t going to start till the 5th so why not just wait. Oy vey it is depressing how many screaming excuses there are to bolster my inertia and resistance.
Well all I have to do is truly remember who I Am and who I am is someone who was and is meant to be spectacular through and through. I Am a brilliant light that is meant to be shining on and filling the universe with clear and clean light that has complete integrity of spirit, mind, emotion, and body. Yet I have been tolerating a body that is out of integrity with that singular truth. When I recall all of that the resistance that is still in there has a lot less charge and I notice that I am sitting up more in my chair and in fact even moving to sitting on my big ball, because I know it will stretch my back out more, by at least 2 to 3 times, as I write this entry in my blog.
So here I am now, having just worked my way through some of my inertia and resistance, about to put into gear officially what I have been slowly becoming more and more conscious of over the past few weeks. As I “officially” begin this journey I want to remind my self of the Four Agreements and honor them as I move into this new and transformed way of being with my body. I have adjusted them slightly as a result of my own work with them and some adjustments were made by my teachers that I really like, so here they are:
1. Be Impeccable with my thoughts, words, and deeds.
2. Make no assumptions.
3. Don’t take anything personally.
4. Do my best.
The first agreement is where I can get messed up around “doing it wrong, or being off, or cheating”. It is where I can get all caught up in perfection and if I am not perfect in my moving into this program, well then I might as well quit. Well of course that is not what impeccability means at all. The opportunity of impeccability for me here is to sharpen my consciousness to create clarity around what my intentions are and to point my consciousness directly into that clarity and use impeccability to provide a measure. My spectacular self knows exactly what impeccability looks and feels like and it offers my workaday consciousness a target to point to as it grows.
What I see today as the assumptions I could make as I move in this program are mostly around me. They would be in the form of shoulds. I should be further along. I shouldn’t do this or that or should do this or that. If I was following this new way of being I should have better or different results. These assumptions are killers and in the past have ultimately taken me out of any program that I have participated in around my body. The way to not make those assumptions is to strengthen the consciousness of who I Am. To Remember and when I start forming those assumptions to recognize that I am hearing both voices at the same time, the voice of the assumer and the voice of the I Am. The other thing for me to do is to track down the roots of the assumers voice and dig them out and lovingly get rid of them.
This may be the hardest one for this heavily co-dependent being that I often am. This is where the work on my own emotional stability is key. I notice that an arrow of emotion comes at me, either from myself or another, and especially when it is about my body I take it extremely personally and act out in some way that makes it worse for my body. I eat or veg out in front of some screen. Both of these activities, when done as emotional reactions, are destructive to me and my new life. The work for me here is to dig around for those same roots that are the cause of those emotional reactions and pull them out and examine them and separate them from the emotions. Then loving destroy the root and learn to connect with the emotion in a way that empowers me on my path.
This last agreement is crucial to my success on this path. This is the keep going card. The “oh well today this was your best and it wasn’t as good as yesterday and that’s fine” card. Keep going. The trap of this agreement is to not let it become the excuse card. To TRULY do my best is very different then acting out in all sorts of familiar ways and then look back at it and say “I did my best”. But that wouldn’t be very impeccable would it? Thats what I love about these 4 Agreements.
So this is the official kickoff of Moderation 1/3-2/3s. The kickoff of 2009, the year of Obama and a magical year it will be.