And Heeeere we goooo

Karen and me loving each other and respecting each others boundaries and intentions.

Well it is the second day of 2009. I am eating half a bowl of cereal with banana and berries and getting ready for my day. I am still a little pulled down with a cold and eating lots of things with bowls and spoons. Yesterday at breakfast I had a small bowl of oatmeal with raisins and diced apples and half a corn muffin. for Lunch I had 2/3 bowl of beef stew I had made up the day before and had a full bowl for dinner with another corn muffin. I am not feeling like I moved much towards moderation in my portions of these things much at all, however I am not eating much of the other stuff I would be eating with or between these things either. After dinner Karen and I each had 3 see’s chocolates where 1 would have been enough for the sweet I was looking for after dinner.

Part of the challenge I am sensing here at the tail end of the holidays is that I am somewhat down with a cold and the second part is that I am still quite entangled in the eating patterns that Karen and I share. Believe it or not I feel a little strange making a delicious beef stew for the two sick birds and then only taking a half a bowl for myself. I am imagining that the strangeness is somehow tied up with my family’s “full plate” eating habits. “If you eat the full plate in front of you then you can have seconds.” or “finish your dinner and then you can have desert”. Well I have broken myself from seconds and I still have to work on being conscious of the weird shame that comes up when I don’t fill my plate and finnish it. I also have to work on replacing the habit of “needing” something sweet after I have finished my dinner.

I also had a terrific conversation with Karen yesterday where we really realized that this coming year was about, first of all working on our own boundaries and intentions and not getting all co-dependantly entangled in each others work. Secondly when looking and being conscious from those clear boundaries and intentions how do we love and acknowledge each other more deeply and intimately without recreating the attachments and entanglements?

I am looking forward to a remarkable 2009