Maybe I’ll fit better in a little car like this if I park it on the far side of the parking lot everytime.
Who knew that parking lots were so big! When you park at the far side of most parking lots you get quite a walk in to where it is you are headed. This was a suggestion from my new doctor, who I am crazy about by the way, and I had heard it before and my initial reaction was to poo poo it and then I held the poo poo back and have since tried it as it fits perfectly into 2/3s. It is two to three times further, at least, for me to walk back and forth from a distantly parked car and sometimes five to six times further. Anyway over the last few days I have been quite aware of parking and walking more and it feels like a habit I could get into. I have to break the habit, that comes from growing up in snow & cold country, of parking as closely as possible to my destination, and it is a habit indeed. I sometimes feel almost stupid or silly as I pass by a close in parking space to head for one that is further away. “What are you doing idiot?” “You don’t have time for this” “this is just plain silly” “I hope nobody notices.” These are just a few of the little habit based voices that disagree with my 2/3s plan in general. I hear them when I am heading down and up the stairs for the second and third time, by the way my thighs are starting to burn from that one.
It is truly amazing to me how much time I don’t have, according to those voices. I notice this is especially true on days when I have nothing to do except noodle around on the computer, read or play some sort of games. On those days particularly I am aware of how loud and important those voices are. “You don’t have time for this” comes over the loud speaker when I am up to doing not much at all and nothing is scheduled. “I hope nobody notices” and “You’ll look silly” come up when there is not a soul around. These voices are clearly remnants of old tap root issues that have to be pulled out. I guess one of the first steps though is doing exactly what I am doing which is to first realize their impotence when faced with my spectacular intention and clarity of consciousness, and when I am in touch with all that how absurdly humorous those voices are. Once in touch with the humor I can begin to get curious and trace the root back to it’s beginnings and find the moment when that little kid that I was truly was stopped and frightened by those voices and made decisions about them that gave them power and volume for all these years. Then it’s time to find compassion and love for that little decision maker and help him to put the energy of those phrases somewhere else and to take those ones away altogether.