There is so much relevant to this journey that I am on that springs from Ehama. Of course there is the obvious; that this is about my body, learning to live in it with integrity and impeccability. This journey is also about deep consciousness and sinking in to the depths of my beliefs and truths that I have made up and bought into over the years around my body. This is about changing things in a way that nurtures me and heals my thoughts of separation and alienation from my body. This is about staying grounded and on the program even when things and old habits are pulling me away. This is also about loving the mass of cells that make up my body no matter how many of them or how big they are. And this is about learning of the oneness of my body and my spirit.
As I wrote the above I got a bit choked up and felt a tear or two in the corner of my eyes. This is so important that the words don’t flow out easily or spark to the surface as quickly as they did with Chima and Moriella. There is a different kind of honoring and reverence when I look to this daughter and to what she stands for. Something in me was deeply disconnected from these qualities and I feel some grief around the loss. I recognize the need to look into that sense of disconnection and will spend some time today contemplating that.
On a lighter note and yet a very important one both to Ehama and to this whole deal, I want to celebrate my eating and my consciousness around my eating over the last couple of days!
I have sat down to every meal, Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. I have eaten slowly and felt into when I had had enough as I was being aware of each bite. I never cleaned my plate (except for my little bowl of desert yogurt after dinner with berries and nuts) and made small plates up to begin with. So I am approaching 1/3 of what I would normally have eaten pretty consistently.
I can see a time when what I used to put on a plate as “normal” will no longer seem normal, which will make it difficult for my eyes to determine how much is enough. I am going to have to count on my consciousness more and more and my sensing into my body as to when it has had enough. I am going to have to learn how to do that when I am with others and multi tasking. As of now that seems to be my greatest challenge to overcome and the hardest habit to break. I need to make the consciousness around my food more important then the conversation that I am in or then in my own ideas and opinions. That is going to be particularly hard for my ego. But first things first, Master this eating alone, replace my old habits and establish new ones.
I just want to say here that I love to cook. I cooked a delicious Braised Beef in wine sauce that I served myself over a puree of Parsnip and Rutabaga (doesn’t that sound like a recipe from Ehama herself?) that was out of this world and there are muchos leftovers, because I just had 1/3 of what I normally would have had. In fact I probably would have binged way over my “normal” amount with something I made that was this good. So I actually was doubly restrained and moderate! Now that is something to celebrate.