To top all of that off I was invited to a celebratory bash for the inauguration at a local pub. It was a Hawaiian bash, where you put on a Hawaiian shirt and go hang out with your neighbors and celebrate and watch it all over again on the big screen and applaud. So I go into my closet because I am excited about the thought that my body has changed enough, thanks to this program, that I can put on some of my old Hawaiian shirts and they would fit comfortably rather then tightly or not at all. I had been so proud of myself with the 1/3 consciousness part and was looking in the mirror and starting to see a difference. I walked into the closet and put the first shirt on and at first I was pleased I could button it up and I was disappointed because it was still not as loose as I like them. So I tried on a couple of others and it wasn’t right yet. Which meant I hadn’t done as well as I had felt I had done.
Now in the past this is where I would have gone “screw this” and bought a pint of Hagen Daz and shut myself up in front of the TV. Fortunately I had a couples therapy appointment and had to stop for a bite to eat on the way. I decided to get a burrito at my favorite burrito place and I had given myself plenty of time to eat it slowly in the car while listening to a good book. I ate it slowly enjoying it and staying conscious of my level of fulness and when I got to just over half way in the burrito I was done, I grabbed a few more morsels from inside (unneeded but better then Hagen Daz) wrapped it up in the left over tin foil and threw it in the trash bin. I went into therapy and had a good session with Karen and Kaylin and headed off to the Hawaiian bash. I arrived and went in with the Hawaiian shirt that fit and had a scotch on the rocks and watched the last part of Obama’s terrific speech and applauded along with the rest of the crowd and as I stood in my little late comers corner of the room staring out at this bunch of strangers that were my neighbors, many of them who had tears in their eyes and defiance on their faces, that I was full. I didn’t need to “get to know these people any better” or to mingle around unconsciously eating and drinking, so I left and came home.
And this morning I woke up in this jumbled mood, and yet I went up to my cupola and had a good meditation with the gathering greyness of the day around me, then I went down and made a bowl of cereal, which I ate consciously and discovered that I was full half way through and threw out the rest. Here I am writing this now and I am not “feeling” any better but I do feel a kind of commitment and focus in me that is stronger then the emotional state I am in. This is big for me.
So in the midst of celebrating and feeling the dip after the celebration of this paradigm shifting event there is this little celebration going on which is not an emotional celebration or a yeehaa or even a smile, it is instead an inner celebration of strength, commitment and intention.