I’ll start out in 1/3 and see where things go from there. I am quite pleased with my consciousness around eating. I am also really enjoying cooking more for myself then I think I ever have. I think one of the reasons is that I am sitting down with every meal and not doing anything but eating and enjoying and feeling into my level of fullness. I am almost always, in the last few days or so, stopping eating before I have “finished” my meal and realizing that I don’t need any more food and that my belly says it has had enough. I am stopping before the eating turns automatic and I am not tasting what I am eating. I am chewing more and longer. There is something very satisfying about making a delicious meal and getting half way through what is on the plate and stopping and having that moment of “wow this is good maybe I should just finish it” and then the answering voice, that is getting stronger every day, say “nope, we’re done”, “well maybe I’ll just pick at the tastiest bits”, “Really Henry, the belly is satisfied and you have a commitment to stop at that point”. Then a smile of approval and satisfaction hits my lips and I pull out the tuperware or scrape what is left into the trash. I am listening.
I am feeling that voice showing up in other places too. I woke up this morning in a very bearish mood and was not inclined to meditate or write anything. I was moving slowly and yet that voice was encouraging me to keep heading towards the cupola, where I meditate. At the bottom of each stairway I would stop and have a little internal conversation about whether or not I “wanted” to meditate this morning. Typically in the past the “I don’t want to” voice would be much stronger and more convincing. I am noticing that the voice of consciousness and intention is truly a stronger voice these days. It is that true voice and not the voice of “should” or “must” that is sometimes the voice I have tried to empower in the past when I have done other diets or exercise programs. So even in the midst of the feet dragging “don’t wannas” I can listen to and trust this voice, this is a very good thing.
I wonder if that voice of inertia and “don’t wanna” ever goes away. I wonder if this voice of intention and commitment just gets so strong that eventually that other voice is completely drowned out. I know that it has been the other way around for a large part of my life, but now that I think about it I realize that this strong voice of intention and commitment is also the ear of consciousness and that ear will get more and more tuned to everything that is going on, including that voice of inertia. I now wonder if instead that strong voice becomes like a powerful and patient grandfather smiling benevolently down at a grandchild who is acting out and ready to reach out and guide the way.
Oh well musings for this morning. I think I’ll title this entry “Grandpop”