Santa Claus     I wish I had a picture of my grandfather to put here, but alas I don’t have a digital image.  However in my extended family Grandpop WAS Santa Claus.

Santa Claus
I wish I had a picture of my grandfather to put here, but alas I don’t have a digital image. However in my extended family Grandpop WAS Santa Claus.

This morning I am writing my entry with out a title and without a direction. I am here writing because I know it is good for me to keep at this even when I don’t have anything on my mind or in my heart to say. I don’t even know which box to put this in as I start. (long pause while I contemplate and take a couple sips of tea.)

I’ll start out in 1/3 and see where things go from there. I am quite pleased with my consciousness around eating. I am also really enjoying cooking more for myself then I think I ever have. I think one of the reasons is that I am sitting down with every meal and not doing anything but eating and enjoying and feeling into my level of fullness. I am almost always, in the last few days or so, stopping eating before I have “finished” my meal and realizing that I don’t need any more food and that my belly says it has had enough. I am stopping before the eating turns automatic and I am not tasting what I am eating. I am chewing more and longer. There is something very satisfying about making a delicious meal and getting half way through what is on the plate and stopping and having that moment of “wow this is good maybe I should just finish it” and then the answering voice, that is getting stronger every day, say “nope, we’re done”, “well maybe I’ll just pick at the tastiest bits”, “Really Henry, the belly is satisfied and you have a commitment to stop at that point”. Then a smile of approval and satisfaction hits my lips and I pull out the tuperware or scrape what is left into the trash. I am listening.

I am feeling that voice showing up in other places too. I woke up this morning in a very bearish mood and was not inclined to meditate or write anything. I was moving slowly and yet that voice was encouraging me to keep heading towards the cupola, where I meditate. At the bottom of each stairway I would stop and have a little internal conversation about whether or not I “wanted” to meditate this morning. Typically in the past the “I don’t want to” voice would be much stronger and more convincing. I am noticing that the voice of consciousness and intention is truly a stronger voice these days. It is that true voice and not the voice of “should” or “must” that is sometimes the voice I have tried to empower in the past when I have done other diets or exercise programs. So even in the midst of the feet dragging “don’t wannas” I can listen to and trust this voice, this is a very good thing.

I wonder if that voice of inertia and “don’t wanna” ever goes away. I wonder if this voice of intention and commitment just gets so strong that eventually that other voice is completely drowned out. I know that it has been the other way around for a large part of my life, but now that I think about it I realize that this strong voice of intention and commitment is also the ear of consciousness and that ear will get more and more tuned to everything that is going on, including that voice of inertia. I now wonder if instead that strong voice becomes like a powerful and patient grandfather smiling benevolently down at a grandchild who is acting out and ready to reach out and guide the way.

Oh well musings for this morning. I think I’ll title this entry “Grandpop”

4 responses to “Grandpop

  1. New Inner Voice
    Dear Henry, I feel honored to be a part of your journey in this blog! You will alway be a “gigant” to me for what you bring to this world – big or small in your physical apperence. I love the presence of the new inner voice, the one of intention and commitment. The ear of consciousness, being in the here and now and enjoying the moment. What pop’s up in my head is the 24h of silence at Leadership. Conscious of what you truly need for your inner self.
    I wish you the best of luck and I will keep an eye on you from Sweden!

    Love, Elisabeth

    Saturday, January 24, 2009 – 02:29 AM

  2. Deb
    I read your words and feel as if they are my words in some ways. You speak for all of us who long to have our bodies be in alignment with who we are. I started (as I often do) recomitting to health and well being at the start of the year. I love the simplicity of what you have designed for yourself. I went to yoga this morning and remembered how much I love feeling like I am in my own skin…alive, refreshed, awakened. I will check in with you often (read your posts) because I want to support you and because I find your last two posts motivating and refreshing.

    Saturday, January 24, 2009 – 11:54 AM

  3. The Smiler
    Loved this post. And I stand in admiration that you have the ability to just sit down…not have anything specific on your mind…and end up with something so wonderful. What a gift. 🙂

    I make up that the “dont wanna” is part of our human experience. And like your “grandpop”….you’ve enlightened me with the vision that when my “dont wannas” pop up…I can allow (the memory of) my grandpop to take me by the hand.

    He lived to 100, had all of his marbles and was in perfect health. One day, in his 100th year I asked him for his secret. He said (ironically) “Eat light, take a walk outside every day and….have a daily Hi-Ball at 4:00 pm” LOL

    Much Love & Laughter to you,

    Monday, January 26, 2009 – 07:00 AM

  4. Danger
    i so love that you are sharing yet another journey with us all out here. having been on my leadership journey with you, its nice to be available for more, in a joint way – as i listen to that inner leader and find ways to make its message conscious and not pushed aside by other more pressing and often less useful, but familiar voices – i will join you in making new choices and holding on as the old choices clammer for attention. you inspire me.
    one thing i know about the journey you are on, in additon to all its perils and challenges – that soon your body will respond with a resounding YES and even when your mind is saying UGH you will find your feet moving to the beat of the new you. I send you courage vibes with love.


    Monday, January 26, 2009 – 08:50 AM

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