Breaking the chains

I’m Free Says my Body.

I’m Free
Says my Body.

I have been out following the trail of this inertia. Where and why did I create a set of limiting beliefs that cause me to stop before I go? What decisions did I make and why did I make them that have set my preferences and defaults to move as little as possible?

I started by looking back to my childhood and remembering that I was bigger and slower, physically, then the other kids. I was left behind when everyone went racing off after things and I was always caught in tag. So I had to start using my imagination and creativity to find ways to move less and accomplish more. I started to look for short cuts and learned to use my wits to convince kids to do things where I could play too. These things really worked and I was more fully engaged in the play. I think that I made a decision somewhere in there to make my mind fast and to use my body as support for that . So in a way I made my body a slave of my mind, rather then a partner, lover, or even making my mind a slave of my body. So my mind’s job was to be creative, imaginative, resourceful, agile and quick in finding ways to get as much done with as little physical effort as possible. My body’s job was to support that as much as possible to work hard to make things easy, to make it possible to do as little as possible when the tough got going.

If there isn’t a REAL reason to move, my well trained and enslaved body won’t. If there is any indecision or uncertainty in my mind my body freezes and waits for a clear command. Even with a clear command it will at first move with resistance and reluctance and then once it starts to move, more often then not, it discovers it likes it and wants to continue.

Now there has been remarkable things that have happened as a result of this early decision. I have created an amazingly creative, imaginative and quick mind. I have created a body that is amazingly sensitive in support of that fast moving mind. My entire body has become a finely tuned antenna for receiving information to support that quickness of mind. These qualities have done much to make me who I am today and have helped me create all that I have created. So I am extremely and eternally grateful for both my mind and my body for all they have done to get me to this point in my life.

I am also feeling deep grief and guilt. Grief for both the little boy who felt he had no choice but the one he made and as a result missed out on having a great partnership and relationship with his body, and grief for the body that really never got to find it’s way and grow and develop and be admired, honored or revered. The guilt I feel is for enslaving a part of myself rather then partnering with it .

What now? I know that I am opening up to listening to my body as I get more and more conscious around my eating. I am really becoming more and more aware of the subtleties of what my body wants and doesn’t want. I also am beginning to be able to notice when I have consumed something it didn’t want, I am able to catch it earlier and stop or to notice it and make sure I am listening more carefully next time. I believe there is a buried desire to move and I need to listen for that like I have tuned my consciousness around the food. I have to tune in to what is below the static of resistance and reluctance that are always turned way up, and turn up the volume of the body’s voice of desire. Most of all I need to partner with my body and break us both out of the slave/master relationship.

2 responses to “Breaking the chains

  1. Marjoleine

    Hi Henry,

    I love reading your blog and the insights you’re sharing. I particularly like the consciousness you bring to food and eating and it has made me realize that I’m not as conscious about eating as a thought I was. I have been trying to pay attention to when my body has had enough and I find that it’s a big grey area for me. I can’t really tell. I usually finish what’s on my plate (as I was taught as a little girl), regardless of the amount or even quality of the meal. I have real issues with “wasting” food, so to speak. I’ve tried to trace this back and I think it has something to do with my grandparents living through WW II in Rotterdam, the Hunger Winter of 1944, food scarcity, and my mom growing up during all that. My family just did NOT throw away food, not even a piece of potato, and I always feel guilty if I do. The result of not wanting to throw away food was that my family would always cook moderate amounts, so eating too much was not really an issue (or an option).

    Reading this posting made me feel sad, really sad, and I have been thinking about it all day. I feel sad for the little boy who couldn’t keep up physically and sad for the lack of love or tenderness for your body as a result of that. What really strikes me is the way you talk about your body, like it’s not you, Henry the brilliant mind, but someone else you (The Mind) can partner with. There seems to be a real distance between Mind and body which just doesn’t seem “right”. I know I’m projecting here, but if I were the body I wouldn’t really like The Mind, or want to listen to what it’s telling me, after not having been taken seriously for the last 50-somewhat years… The sense I get is that this body needs to receive some real love and tenderness from The Mind first, before it will even WANT to partner with The Mind or spring into action. It’s like a marriage or good friendship: there needs to be a lot of love and trust before you can ask the other to do things that might not come naturally. Hope I’m making sense.

    Thanks for your honesty and your show of vulnerability. You are an inspiration, as always.

    Love,

    Marjoleine

    Friday, January 30, 2009 – 08:13 PM

  2. Henry

    Marjoleine,

    Thanks for your comments. You are so right about the separation between the body and mind in my writing and thinking. I think I have not listened to that part of myself for so long that the two parts of myself have become isolated from each other so that I can’t even write about them as being me. I know that what is behind all of this, the intention, commitment, blog and program is to resolve that duality. In the end I want to integrate all parts of my Self.

    I think you are also right on about the body wanting to receive love and tenderness from the mind. I think that is why consciousness is the first crucial step to become aware of this part of myself that I have ignored and abused, find the compassion, love and tenderness through listening and opening my senses up to all of what is there, the good the bad and the ugly.

    Thanks for your support and looking.
    Love
    Henry

    Saturday, January 31, 2009 – 10:05 AM

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