Lessons from 2 meditations

Meditation
The Key.

I had a great meditation yesterday. What makes for a great meditation? Well my mind was quiet enough to be able to actually return to the breath and listen to the body’s needs. So the only thing that I was conscious of in the emptiness was a knee wanting to release or a back wanting to straighten or shoulders wanting to loosen. I would feel the need and respond immediately and then back to the emptiness. Oh sure a thought would come into this space but it wouldn’t build it would evaporate and return to emptiness until an impulse would come up from my body, usually a small one and I would respond. My body and mind were working together to create an excellent space to meditate in.

This morning I went up to meditate and I (or should I say my mind or my little i or…) really wanted to repeat the experience of yesterday. I had made up that of course I had discovered the “right” way to extend consciousness and space to my body.

When will I learn? Oyvay!

Now I had created a whole mass of thoughts to “listen to my body and adjust”. All of a sudden my mind was trying to take control and to “conceptualize” listening to my body and to actually attempt to anticipate the bodies needs. There was no space and no listening my breathing was irregular and sometimes ragged and I was adjusting and moving around so much more in the name of keeping still. With all that permission to think and control things it became much harder to just breathe easily and follow the breath, there was a way that my mind actually wanted to determine what a “correct” breath was as it thought ahead to wondering how many breaths would there be in 20 minutes at this pace and then trying to remember how many had been taken and then starting to wonder about the meeting today and if I had enough coffee for people……………………………….

So there is this place of relaxing of the mind that I do know I can go when I don’t think about it. When that mind is relaxed just like my legs settle in and my back finds it’s place and my shoulders drop and my eyes soften then every part of me has a need that can be responded to in it’s own time. I can’t plan for that moment, I can’t design that moment and I can’t intend or commit to that moment. I can only relax into it and let it happen. This is also key to integrating my body and mind and most of all allowing my body the space to be loved, respected and listened to. It is key to not only finding the space for my body in mySelf but to also respond to the impulses and messages of my body and empower them.