Last night I went over to Sabrina and Gary’s place for some Elk Pot Roast, Salad, bread, wine and good conversation. I was pleased to have stayed conscious of my eating during the meal and to remain in the conversation. I didn’t drink too much wine so my awareness didn’t seem to affected by my sipping. The amounts were generous and yet moderate at the same time and I finished my bowl of Pot Roast and my salad and then I dipped the bread in the superb sauce. That, I think, proved to be my downfall. I left the dinner wanting more and wanting sweets, it didn’t feel like emotional wanting it felt physical. So I picked up some reeses pieces at the gas station on the way home and then had a little bowl of yogurt with berries and nuts in it when I got home. My mouth actually tasted yucky after the reeses pieces, even the memory of it is scrunching my face up a bit. The reason that the bread was the downfall I think is that I do think wheat causes a reaction in my body that stimulates many reactions, one of which is more of anything and primarily sweets. It’s funny how it doesn’t fill me it actually does the opposite and makes me hungrier and desirous for more. I think I gotta stay away from that wheat and stay conscious for anything else that might be going in that may cause me to act out and blow my moderation.
The last thing about food I want to say is that I must eat breakfast before noon, actually before 9:00, even if Karen is here. I ate my first meal yesterday at 12:30 as I waited for Karen to get to a place of readiness for her breakfast. I really have to give up that piece of co-dependency that I have around when Karen is home we have to eat together and I wait until she is ready before I eat. I need to leave breakfast and sometimes lunch prep for me alone and love Karen and trust that she will take care of herself. I will offer to make her what I am having and I won’t worry about whether she eats it or not or whether it gets cold or not, and if she says “no go ahead and make your own, I’ll take care of myself.” I’ll believe her and not keep checking in with her way past the point of taking care of myself. Boy oh Boy there is some serious co-dependency going on here and it is time to break that chain. SNAP.