Scales

Scales and YoYo I saw this image and it feels so perfect for me.  All the scale does for me is treat me like a yoyo.

Scales and YoYo
I saw this image and it feels so perfect for me. All the scale does for me is treat me like a yoyo.

My friend Elizabeth noticed that I hadn’t been charting my weight here as I have been going along. This was a logical question, considering the way I opened this blog and what I wrote in the banner at the top of 1/3 with all the pounds, kilos and stone that were there. Well I had just been to the doctor a couple of weeks before and I got weighed there and it gave me a beginning framework from which to see part of the unvarnished truth. The scale has historically been the tool of judgment and make wrong. So the scale was one of the things that kicked me and judged me and sent me off, at the time, to start up on a diet. After that doctors appointment I synchronistically had meetings and appointments with a therapist, Karen, acupuncturist, and my family doc for an annual checkup. It was during those 2 weeks that I rode the roller coaster of what should I do about forever reclaiming my body and finding the way to bring my body and mind together. Then I found my way to this current program of consciousness deepening around my eating and moving.

My current belief is, and I am willing to have this shift as I get stronger, that using the scales on a regular basis actually gets me focused in the wrong directions. I focus on results rather then consciousness and mindfulness. I begin to slide into old patterns of behavior that either support or resist the information that the scales give me. The scales used regularly can create me playing games with myself that I don’t want to play anymore. Games like weighing myself in the morning and trying to figure out the time that I will have the least additional weight, before shower or after shower, etc etc etc. Then there are all the decisions and opinions out there about how often to weigh myself. “You’re only supposed to weigh your self once a week” but there is the scale and I am having a morning when I am feeling great so I’ll weigh myself and lo and behold I have gained and so I get hopeless and go eat something, or I am having a fat day and I weigh myself and I have lost 2 pounds and I don’t believe the scale and test it to make sure it is right and then I go and eat something. So I have thrown out all scales in our house and hope to never have one again.

On the other hand I do realize the value of having ways to measure progress. Scales certainly do that. I am aware that this program is going to be much slower then any diet and exercise program I have done in the past so I am expecting progress to be slooooowed way down, hopefully like my eating. I will be going into the doctor for an annual physical and will be weighed then and there are sometimes occasions when I will be going in to a doctor for something and I will weigh myself and post it here, more out of curiosity then progress though. I want the progress to show itself more in consciousness and in the way I feel in my body. I want to keep looking deeply into completely caring for mySelf in all ways and giving mySelf all that it needs to live a vibrant, alive and healthy life.

Since I am posting this today in 2/3s I need to hold myself accountable in the area of movement.

The Bad News
I moved as little as possible yesterday and I didn’t like it. I didn’t keep my agreements around double and triple walking the stairs and I didn’t meditate. I had several opportunities to hit the stairs and didn’t. I have lots of excuses both emotional and busyness, and I know they are excuses. The only thing is to get up and get moving today.

The Good News
I am still moving more in general. I am moving more to clean up the dishes or to take out the trash. I am moving more in response to what there is to do when it’s time to do it, rather then waiting and waiting and then reluctantly getting up to go for it, I am just getting going.

3 responses to “Scales

  1. Emma

    Hi Henry,
    What leapt out at me when reading this is and maybe I’m stating the obvious, when you are eating consciously, living consciously, moving consciously, conscious consciously,…. you are in the flow… the weight doesn’t matter… your body will do the work. It is a marvellous machine… You taught me that.

    Thursday, February 12, 2009 – 03:46 AM

  2. Emma

    And, dear Henry, (there is always an and with me!),
    Got some hit about good news, bad news, and something about making yourself right and wrong… and something about those two meditations. Its giving me some sort of crunching feeling inside. Hmm…

    Thursday, February 12, 2009 – 04:09 AM

  3. Henry,

    I just found your amazing blog. Thank you so much for sharing your journey of reclaiming your body, how beautiful and honest you are in sharing your journey. I am on the same journey, and it is a sacred walk to reclaim our bodies and I am so honored to know of a beautiful soul who is seeking to be in this journey with such love and consciousness.

    Love,
    Joanne

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