Fear of Getting Busy

Being present when I get there Staying conscious while traipsing all over the globe.

Being present when I get there
Staying conscious while traipsing all over the globe.

Fear of getting busy.

What happens to a program of consciousness when life speeds up? Typically, in my not too distant past, for me that means all that I have developed spiritually, physically, and even emotionally gets thrown out the window to be replaced by running and stopping. Running looks like making the work the priority and dropping all else and stopping looks like “not work”, finding whatever way I can to veg out and relax. These are both habits that actually take me away from me to a greater or lesser degree depending on the nature of the work.

So here it is Mid February and I have been fortunate to be in a slow work period since the beginning of the year. It has been a perfect time to start this program of consciousness as I am home alone most days and can have the time in the morning to write and meditate and I can take the time I need to cook the meals I want and sit down to eat them alone and consciously. I can choose when to move and stay conscious of my impulses and slow life down to be able to notice things much more completely. This has been a pretty much unbroken period of time to begin, explore and deepen my personal work.

Last week I excitedly took on some new responsibilities at CTI that I am beginning to move forward on that are also dovetailing with a speeding up of my life as I prepare to go into a period of travel from the beginning of March through the middle of May. I will be traveling to Europe, the Middle East and the eastern and southwestern US. I will be in places without any power or ability to connect to the internet, So no blogging, I will be in places where I will be active from waking to sleeping every day. I will be eating different foods with different people and I will be moving in different rhythms in body and spirit. All of this adds up to a LOT of distraction to this program of consciousness and integration that I have created for myself. I know that I can carve out boundaries for my eating program for much of what is coming. I know that I will be moving even more in many of the circumstances so that is good. I worry about carving out time for meditation and know that I won’t be able to blog during parts of this upcoming time and worry that stepping out of the habit of it will interfere with the commitment and intention I have created here.

I recognize old taproot issues here in what I have written. I know that my old taproot run self would not have pulled off what I am headed into and would have actually begun looking for ways out of his commitments before he even left on such a journey. He would have started making excuses to himself based on all of the facts mentioned above.

This new Self that I am integrating here won’t tolerate those excuses any longer. This new Self knows that he will fail sometimes and that he is living into a conscious and intentional way of living that will not be able to put up with those old habits and taproot ways of being. I will find ways to meditate and I will journal the old fashioned way and when I get back to a computer spend some time entering what I discovered in my journal here in this blog. I will carve out time from both the going and the stopping and mark it as my time for integration and consciousness and not apologize to a single human for doing it.

These are my words

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