Standing on the deck Life is sweet and I am in my element
Life is Sweet. As I was sitting here in front of my blank sky blue screen awaiting it’s purple letters and the window in front of my office stilling myself and feeling into the rain and the surf. I’m letting the soft meditative music wash over me and contemplating what to write and why I am writing anything at all. My day yesterday floats back through my memory, both the highlights, (the swimming, watching Shindler’s List with Karen, and planning our trip to Amsterdam) and the lowlights, (things not going right with last minute details to get together in preparing for the trip, computer challenges, and not being as conscious or practicing restraint with dinner as I’d have liked). Then some people float in, good friends, who missed my post the other day and want me to write every day because they like to read it and perhaps take something from it and because they love me and know it’s a good thing for me to do for the integration and growth of mySelf. As this contemplation bubble floats in I slip into my confusion for an instant about who I am writing this for, that little war inside between the rebel and the wise one. The rebel saying “Don’t write anything today, especially if you are doing it for someone else”, and the wise one laughing and saying “You still don’t get it do you that what ever I write is for myself and sometimes others get value and sometimes they don’t, that’s up to them not to me.” It was such a short little war because the rebel could only lighten up and say “oh”. Then I went about loving my friends for loving me, letting them float by as contemplation and love bubbles, feeling gratitude and appreciation for them, and seeing so clearly them standing by the path of this quest that I am on with their hands open and pointing further down the path with love in their eyes and smiles on their faces. That’s when the thought “Life is Sweet” showed up and I started writing.
One of those friends, my inspiring buddy on this quest as he is on a similar one Art Shirk, commented the other day about when he swims his laps he often invokes a friend and swims it for him or her. That his friends and supporters are often the ones who make it possible for him to swim that extra lap or two. At first when I saw this my rebel grabbed a hold of it and said “Yah but your doing this for your self and need to invoke yourself and not get caught in the trap of ‘doing’ it for others”. Yesterday in the pool I tried it though and as I put this person in my mind and saw them loving me as I swam that extra crawl length it was actually easier to get my attention in a more meditative place and just swim then to be getting caught up in how tired I was or how fast I was swimming or how many laps I am up to. So as my wise one smiles I say thanks to Art for that. I am so aware that I needed to create strong and powerful boundaries around myself to start this quest and as I get on it and travel down it I am more and more aware of how much I can let others in and not have it mean I am giving up mySelf. I guess this is truly what is meant by Self Authority. That ability to choose in any moment what is important and life sustaining for mySelf and for the world and to act on that choice. In every interaction, and indeed in every action, there is this choice between self betrayal and co-dependency or affirming life, love and harmony. That choice is filled with old and powerful limiting beliefs and habits on the one side and Self Authority and Self Authorship on the other. The power of consciousness, awareness and mindfulness is to be able to tune into what’s running things. Then choices can be made.