Today is the official last day of the first part of my program. The part where I have been home primarily with manageable distractions that I can learn from and become more conscious around and make corrections and create new ways of being. There have been challenges, to be sure, and there have been many exposed old habits, patterns and beliefs to expose and excavate. I have been fortunate though to have this period of relative calm and low stress to do the inner work I have done, and the preparation for what is coming.
What is coming is Travel with a capital T for the next three months. I will have a whole new set of challenges to face and some of the old familiar ones in new clothing. I will have patterns, beliefs and habits that I have put in place over the last 50 years or so that are associated with travel and vacation and that are actually designed to put my consciousness on vacation too. These habits are also in place to completely ignore and rebel against being a person of moderation who is practicing restraint and completely live into being a hedonist, glutton and an absorber of experience. I am aware of beliefs I have around vacationing that “I must completely relax and indulge myself” which means doing as little as possible and eating as much as possible, sort of an anti-doing time. These are some of the habits, patterns and beliefs that I am looking forward to bringing my consciousness to over the next 3 months.
I know that my intention and commitment is up to it and I must confess I am a bit scared of this time. These are the kind of times that have derailed me in the past. These are the circumstances where I have given up on mySelf and retreated into the old familiar “comfort zones” of my taproot fed behaviors. There is a voice in my circle that is saying “Just give up now you’ll never succeed at this, the temptations are just too great and the opportunities too many.” This voice is strong in me. There is another voice that is younger and growing in power that is looking forward to this part of the journey with excitement, focus and clear eyed intensity that is saying “Oh boy bring it on” and it’s almost like he lowers his lance and gives his horse a kick in the ribs and shouts “for the Light and Wholeness” as he leaps forward into the mist.