Too much breakfast

OOPS I don't have to eat the whole thing.

OOPS I don't have to eat the whole thing.

I have been yearning for a breakfast for a few days now, and we have been such avid vacationers that we have slept in past time for breakfast. This morning, our last morning in Amsterdam, we got up in time to go to a little cafe around the corner from our hotel for a breakfast. I was so excited to have this breakfast that I ordered an omlette with bacon and cheese and fresh squeezed grapefruit juice and a coffee and I was happily chowing down and chatting with Karen as I got almost through my omelette that I remembered to be conscious and in that moment realized that I had gone past my 1/3 point and even gone past 2/3s I was up in the 3/4s range. In my exuberance I had blown right past my commitments to moderation and restraint. Now I am sitting at my computer back at the hotel room feeling a bit stuffed and bloated, now that I am conscious again, and almost feeling like I want to lay down for a nap or something and I just woke up a couple of hours ago. Ah how quickly it can all evaporate in the face of excitement and exuberance.

I have just exposed another challenge to meet and an old habit to expose, hunt down and replace. Somewhere I have it wired that excitement and enthusiasm trumps commitment. If I am full of life and anticipation for an upcoming experience somehow I have it wired that I can’t dull it with “any boring old familiar story”. The experience is what it is all about and new experience is more important then old or familiar experience. This of course is complete hogwash and is doomed to defeat any commitment or intention that I might set for myself. As the intention or commitment turns “old” the new thing will wipe it away as unimportant. I truly don’t like that I have exposed this in myself, it stinks of waste and disrespect. As I sit here in this city so full of history and respect for the old ways and established forms it feels like a completely slovenly and bratish way to be. It reminds me of this portrait I saw in the Rijksmuseum by Rembrandt of a petulant spoiled brat who was fat and filled with disdain. I am sure he smiles when there is some new delicacy or present in front of him and is filled with contempt with the old and familiar. When I look at his portrait I don’t like him at all and yet that is the same kind of attitude that is behind me completely disregarding my intention and commitment for an omelette, for god’s sake.

This is the opposite feeling to what happened last night for dinner. We went to this delightful restaurant called Terra, an Italian restaurant with great food and wine and served in courses that were small and manageable. When I left the restaurant I was aware of being conscious and taking my time and having great conversation and savoring delicious food and having had just enough to eat and drink. It was a delightful experience and a time to honor my intention and my program all at the same time. I didn’t leave much on the plate because the chef had restrained for me and put the perfect amount on the plate in the first place. However I was aware that I was conscious while eating the meal and if I was approaching a state of fullness or going past the point of moderation I could have stopped. This is the way I want to be and am practicing being. So what happened this morning is more of a mystery to me, making me wonder what old habit I have exposed and need to excavate. I will put some contemplation time and some stalking time into that question.

2 responses to “Too much breakfast

  1. Hmmm, I think you are being terribly hard on yourself here, Henry. Could it be that your focus on being conscious was put on the back burner temporarily, while your senses were occupied with your company, breakfast, the little cafe (the whole experience)? In other words, were you really disregarding your intention and commitment for that omelette or were you briefly distracted?

    Let’s also celebrate your successes: judging by your postings, you have been doing a fantastic job staying conscious during meals and, knowing Amsterdam, I can pretty much bet that you have walked many hours every day.

    Remember what I told you about kids and nutrition — that, even if children skip meals, they usually get what they need when you look at what they eat in an entire month? So maybe don’t judge your intention or commitment in the moment, but make up the balance at the end of the day/week/month. Just a thought…

    Have a safe flight back!

    Love,
    Marjoleine

  2. Hi Henry,

    This line so resonated with me: “Somewhere I have it wired that excitement and enthusiasm trumps commitment.”

    I cannot even begin to count how many times that’s been my story as well. Let the stalking begin…and won’t it be luscious if the story ends up being something like, “I have it wired that excitement and enthusiasm are madly and passionately in love with commitment”?!

    Looking forward to seeing you at Wild Boar R4!

    Laura

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