I am teaching myself restraint when it comes to eating. Sometimes I am successful at learning the lessons and sometimes not. Yesterday was a day when I experienced both success and failure. Success at breakfast with both restraint and moderation. I love it when I am able to restrain myself from filling my bowl with oatmeal or whatever and then as I eat consciously discover that not only did I restrain myself from filling my bowl I also discover, through staying conscious, that I don’t even want all of what I did take. Whew that feels good. At lunch I did the restraint part perfectly and chose just the right amount to put on my plate so that I didn’t need to practice moderation as I consciously ate and finished what I had put on my plate and left room for a little granola desert treat. Now dinner was another story. I went to dinner with Sam and Doug & Walker Silsbee who own the Bend of Ivy retreat center and are very spiritual folks who are very aligned with Sam and me in so many ways. I practiced moderation in the appetizer course we all shared and when it came time to order entrees I ordered a delicious Gorganzola Pollo Pomadora which was a grilled chicken served over penne pasta in a gorgonzola cream sauce with some spinach and sun dried tomatoes in it. Well it was tasty and I was staying pretty conscious as I ate it and stayed in the conversation and there was this point when I looked down and realized that I was done and there was still about a third of the food left in the bowl. I preceded to nibble my way through the remainder of the dish as we sat and had some great conversation. I vaguely recall a point where I decided to go unconscious and not restrain myself from eating the rest. In retrospect it was a very interesting moment and I can’t seem to get my mind wrapped around what happened in that moment. I can come up with all sorts of excuses but I can’t find the real reason that I made that choice. I will keep stalking it though.
The main reason I wanted to write about restraint this morning though isn’t about food and eating. The main reason is in my Leadership. R4 is all about beginning to hand over the reigns of Leadership to the participants and that requires restraint that I realized last night that I am not practicing. I am so passionate about the learning and I have great desire to create as much deep learning as possible that I run out into the street right through the compassionate arm of the crossing guard. And it works people love that I do it and great learning is had by all but the actual responsibility is still completely mine and I am not handing it over very well to the group. Now that I am conscious of it I will practice restraint more today and patience and I must tomorrow as we get to the official handoff of the baton of leadership. I get a little nervous that I have done too much and it is too late. It is like when I finished that Pollo Pomadora last night and knew I had gone too far and it was too late.
Well I know it will always work out because it always does.