Sitting in the Fog

The fog often comes after it's been bright and sunny
The dip inevitably comes after the peak

The fog is dense this morning, not only the fog outside my window. There is a fog of desire in me this morning. I feel the intention and the commitment burning down below and I feel it causing me to have only one poached egg on a piece of toast this morning instead of 2 or 3. I feel it pulling me to write this entry and I feel it pulling me to read my materials for the Black Lodge training. It just feels like I am reaching through a fog to do it all. I am grateful in this moment to know that I have a powerful intention and to be conscious of it as I move through this foggy day. Days like today would often have led me to act out in bad habits that were most definitely on the path of integration and intention. I am also aware that I am in the foggy natural dip that follows a bright clear mountaintop high.

I have spoken to clients for years about the dips that follow the peaks and how the peaks wouldn’t be peaks at all if there weren’t dips to provide the necessary dimension for the peaks. So I am a huge proponent of being in the dip instead of wishing you weren’t. Great theory that, and when it comes to practicing it, I gotta say it ain’t easy. I am noticing today that with a powerful intention and path to lean into I can fall back into the fog a bit more then I would let myself if I didn’t have that behind me. With that certainty of Self and direction as the foundation I can feel the fog and the blues a bit and not think it “means” something other then merely being the dip that follows the peak.

Man oh man were the last 2 weeks a peak. The whole time in Amsterdam with Karen was wonderful, from the meeting with S & N to the time with the Dutch CTI community to all the wonderful tourist times, strolls and meals we had, and mostly just the connection time with Karen. Then flying from Holland straight to North Carolina and meeting up with brother Sam to lead the fabulous Retreat 4 of the Wild Boars. The breakthroughs and the learning was off the charts, not only for the participants but for me too. The connection with Sam and the breakthroughs that we had in our relationship were paradigm shifting.

So coming back from a 2 week run like that to my big beautiful empty house I can expect to step into a bit of fog. Then the weather co-operates so perfectly by giving me a mass of fog so dense that I can barely see the trees in my backyard and the ocean is just a sound in the background. As I write this I realize how brilliant I have been all these years in my coaching with my clients and the work I have done with all of the folks I have touched around the cycles of breakthrough. I say this with a bit of tongue in cheek, because it is one of those things that I said but didn’t practice. I knew it like a truth, like one season following another, like the cycles of life, yet I still let myself get carried away by the dips and let it somehow be more “true”, so that decisions would get made and things cut off before they had a chance to grow or ripen. I did that to me. And I knew better. The thing that I am realizing now is that (bop myself on the forhead)“duh” with no foundation of course one slips and falls, and with a firm foundation of clarity of purpose, intention and commitment one stands in the fog on that foundation and notices, contemplates and cooks what is going on. This is not the place of decisions, instead this is the place of composting.