This morning I am aware of a bit of slippage. I think it may be related to fogs and dips. This slippage is sort of like I am half conscious rather then completely conscious, or like I make a choice that is off my program in a semi conscious way. For example, 1/3, with my food yesterday I made a poached egg on a small piece of rye toast (good restraint) and put only half of my consciousness on the eating of it. I didn’t really taste it or follow it on it’s journey through me. I directed my consciousness to my belly after I was done to see if I was satisfied and then got up and did my dishes, all in less time then it took to make and plate the egg. For lunch I heated up some soup and had some cottage cheese with chips (less restraint in the portion then breakfast) and took it up to my computer on the pretext that I was in the middle of something “important” and proceeded to completely unconsciously consume the lunch while doing the “important” thing. Now this breaks all of the commitments I made to mySelf with regards to my rather simple program. What I remember about the eating is dipping a chip into the cottage cheese and avoiding spilling it on me or my keyboard, I don’t remember tasting or being conscious of any part of the eating of it. I definitely don’t remember the “important” thing I was doing that insisted I take lunch in front of my computer. For dinner I made a delicious steak, a small yam and a small acorn squash, and a salad. There was no restraint in the size of the meal so I was aware that I had to practice moderation while eating, which I did. I had about half of the steak, yam and squash and 2/3 of the salad. I tasted the meal and was conscious of my state of satisfaction, and I ate quickly like I had someplace else to be, when I didn’t. This morning I made another poached egg on toast, while zipping around the kitchen finishing up last nights dishes and put the plate down and scarfed it down like the house was going to burn down or something. What’s the hurry all of a sudden? Since when do things creep into being more important then mySelf and it’s complete integration?
It’s this slight slippage that is the most dangerous for me. Because I think I am still on my program and doing my 1/3, 2/3s “mostly” and then the habit has me move to adjusting the program to the “mostly” place and then it slips some more and then the old habits are back in place running the show. So the vigilance required with intention is essential. Seeing and speaking the truth about slippage away from the intention and then acting on what is being seen is key. In the past I used to think that intention is something that locks into place and more or less just replaces bad habits with good ones. I am beginning to realize that it isn’t necessarily that easy. I think it is more a matter of consistently staying conscious and walking the talk and noticing when I am not walking the talk, telling the truth to myself about it and then walking the talk some more. There really is no vacation from consciousness. I only want a vacation from consciousness when I am unconsciously slipped into old habitual ways of being. When I am experiencing a crystal clear consciousness it is bliss and who would want a vacation FROM that, when it is the place we all want to be all the time. Hmmmmm what or who is in there wanting me to slip?