The Road is Calling, Can I stay present now?

Ahh the call of the road, the journey  Stay Here Now Henry

Ahh the call of the road, the journey
Stay Here Now Henry

Today as I sit here and look out at a beautiful dawning day filled with blues, purples and violets and some light yellows and pale creams. In the distance I can see the fog wanting to come in from the sea. My attention is more aware of the future then of the past. My mind is moving towards preparing for the journey on Saturday and Sunday across California and the southern desert to New Mexico where I will be with my fellow seekers and elders as we dive into the mastery of the waking dream for 2 weeks. I am pulled to preparation for how I will be and do my program while on the road and on the desert. I am pulled to which motels might have swimming pools on the drive down and how will I make my tea and which habits I will meet as I stand in the chow line at the black lodge. My mind is working on what to pack and my stomach is churning with some combination of anticipation, fear, expectation, wonder, excitement and longing for and about the upcoming deep dive into mySelf. In the midst of this gathering storm of attention it is more challenging to hold myself to account for what I have done so with great effort of redirection and will I am going to point myself there now.

1/3 Yesterday I met one of my Porcupine friends, Ute, and her son for Lunch and I ordered a delicious wasabi rice bowl with some seared tuna on top. I ate about 3 bites beyond being done and stopped, leaving the rest. Those last 3 bites contained a couple perfect morsels of tuna and some wasabi sauce and even though I was done and my belly needed no more my wallet-cleanplateclub-goodboy habit loudly insisted. It was wanting me to finish the whole thing and I think I compromised a bit. The good news on this one is that I was conscious of this compromise and the bad news is that I know I was strong enough in my commitment and intention to not have to compromise. I just imagine, and remember even, the incredible feeling of exercising that decision to moderate at exactly the right time with zero compromise. It’s such a feeling of wonderful power of mySelf and a clean clear sense of my commitment and intention. And those 3 bites take that away, bummer and yet completely understandable, being the growing and perfect and flawed being that I am. I celebrated a pre-Birthday dinner with Karen in San Francisco at a brazillian place called Basa Nova. A loud and musical place with a smiling spirit of a waiter who suggested things to us to go along with the excellent mojito’s. We shared 2 small plates and an entree of seafood stew which was delicious and we didn’t finish. I am very pleased with how conscious I was able to remain in the midst of a storm of noise, music, crowded spaces and mojito’s.

2/3s The first thing is that I had planned a swim at the pool, the first one since getting back from my last 2 week trip. Due to circumstances that I made more important then that, a slippage habit (see last post), I cancelled on mySelf. I even got some good championing from Karen that I fought off with considerable use of logic and reason. That’s the bad news. The good news is that I did park at the far end of 3 different parking lots on the journey from Lunch with Ute to CTI and picking up Karen into San Francisco for dinner and the play Wicked. And for me watching a broadway show, whether in NYC or SF or most of the other older theatres around the world is a physical event when I cram my large body into those small chairs and get up and out every time someone wants to leave or come is like doing squats at the gym. It is interesting to me that the more I pay for a ticket to be entertained the more the workout I do in just sitting down to enjoy the entertainment. Hmmmm maybe there is a positive spin on this after all. Anyway the show was a lot of fun and makes me want to read the book.

So there I was able to yank myself back to yesterday, despite the call of the road trip and the spiritual dive I am prepping mySelf for.

I want to take a moment here to thank all the folks who have come by and visited, many of you have left amazing comments of support, inspiration, inquiry and deepening. I am extremely grateful and love you all:-)):-));-O

3 responses to “The Road is Calling, Can I stay present now?

  1. Hey Henry,
    I have been feeling unconscious in my eating since returning from NC, so I came to your site to nibble on some inspiration. It worked. I am so moved by your journey and the power of telling the simple truth. Thank you for inspiring me to consciousness (again) with my eating. And for your thoughts on the ‘dip’ after such a great peak.
    Love, Maurie

  2. Hello Love:

    I’m glad to hear that the theater logisitics last night served your plan! I don’t think it was a included in the price of the ticket-:) Maybe we should have paid even more.

    I love you post today as I notice MYSELF being pulled to your leaving as well. It is just silly to feel sad that you WILL BE leaving. You’re here now and I’ll see you this afternoon.

    I want to challenge myself to say present and IN the present with the whole coming apart and feel what is here now rather than what might happen in the next moment or the next. Will I miss you? Who knows. I might feel blue and I might experience a sensation of space and freedom and exhileration. I might have my own little 11 day journey while you are gone. I’ll just have to wait until I get there and see.

    It has me consious of how MUCH of my life I spend PLANNING what might come and how I’ll feel about that. I remember what you said last night about Intention being a function of PAST (tap root, limiting beliefs) and PRESENT (what I am choosing and where my attention is in the moment.

    I’d always thought of intention as creating the future (what do I want to happen OUT THERE) but that really isn’t the point is it? I remember you saying at one point something to the effect that we can only create in the present.

    Thank you Henry for the chance to engage in this rich conversation.

    I love you!

    Me

  3. Happy Birthday Henry! Nice to get an early start in celebrating your life, your delightful, creative, freakin’ fantastic creative life. Keep swimming!

    Jennet

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