Nope, Not Acceptable
Is 70% good enough? I don’t think so. I feel like I have been operating at about 70% consciousness in these past few days. This is much better then UNconscious and it is slipping by. I won’t create what I want with this percentage. I have been noticing this particularly around my eating. Most of my meals have been buffets in the past few days. I have practiced some restraint in filling my plate and some moderation in being conscious while I am eating and eating only what I am noticing my body needs. Last night Karen and I went out to a nice restaurant here in Tel Aviv and I ordered an appetizer and a fillet mignon. I ate 3/4 of the appetizer and all of the fillet. The last 3 or 4 bites of the fillet I didn’t taste and I probably didn’t taste the last 3 bites of the appetizer either. I remember the appetizer being delicious for the first half and ate the last half automatically while having a great conversation with Karen, the same was true for the entree. According to my plan I would have practiced moderation and noticed when I was no longer tasting the food and stopped. I was paying attention to whether or not my belly was full and noticed it wasn’t so I kept going. That is the 70% I am talking about. I am paying attention to only one part and not all parts of the process. I need to slow down and pay attention to all parts again. Boy oh boy it can get frustrating this whole consciousness thing, right when you think you can sit back and float along in what you think you know, wham you realize that you’ve slipped back into old habits. My old habit is to finish the food in front of me. With the buffets I could practice restraint and put less on my plate and then settle back into 70% consciousness around moderating what it is I am eating. This is an open invitation for the old ways to creep back in. Restraint can’t become a way for me to slide on Moderation, they have to work together 100/100%. As I sit down at buffets in the next few days I am going to loosen up a bit on the restraint and exercise the moderation muscle more. Which means I am going to put more on my plate and eat less. I am going to pay attention to my tasting of the food as much, if not a little more, then feeling it hit my belly.
I am back on my exercise program as well. I have let that slide too over the last couple of weeks. I have done a bit of swimming in the Persian Gulf and a little walking, and some airport walking and avoiding of the moving walkways and I know I will be doing a lot of walking in Jerusalem starting tomorrow and I will do a walk along the beach here in Tel Aviv. It is a bit chilly to go for a swim but a nice walk will do me some good. The bottom line is I need to use this vacation time in Israel with Karen as a time to move from 70% to 95%-100% on my program. The slide down into 70% will ultimately be a slide back to all that I am leaving behind and back to a separation of the parts of my self and away from an integration of mySelf. So this is a reminder, another wake up and a kick in my butt to put me on notice that no matter how brilliant I am, no matter how inspiring I am, no matter how much of a magician I am, no matter how big I am, no matter how much I transform lives, I am still a guy who needs to keep pointing his consciousness and deepening his awareness. I am just a guy who falls down and slips backwards and catches himself at 70% and needs to yank himself up by the bootstraps and get back on the path.
Just a quick note to say how great it is to have Karen here. She snuck into the room at 4:30 yesterday morning and we slept in and went up to the rooftop pool of this hotel and had some great catching up conversations, made some wonderful creative plans together and reconnected after being apart for 2 weeks. I do love sharing this life with this incredible soul.