I am cleaning my plate again, or leaving a morsel or two “to be good”. I am aware that I need to tighten the screws up again and move back into training mySelf mode rather then just tuning in mode. I need to STOP when I am 1/3-1/2 done with something and retrain mySelf to be done. I need to sharpen moderation, I know that I noticed this before while in Israel but I didn’t really take action on it as I was still practicing restraint more then moderation. I need to practice both, paying particular attention to moderation for awhile as I retrain my body and mind to the possibilities. I also need to tell the truth about it here in the blog or it all starts to melt into meaninglessness. Soooo, Yesterday I started out with a bowl of cereal that I cleaned down to drinking the milk from the bowl, I had a bag of potato chips and a bag of jerky for lunch and emptied both bags. They weren’t big bags but they weren’t small ones either and I was perfectly satisfied half way through and stopped even but some old habit didn’t want to waste or throw away all that good stuff. I went for a delicious dinner with Mary K. at Piatti and had a half a salad (restraint) and a bowl of gnocchi (which I finished) and half a Tira Misu. Not terrible, and nothing was left on my plates, which isn’t the program. I even sat there with 5 or 6 gnocchi left and Knew that I was satisfied and then in the great conversation that we had while the food sat there I just stabbed and ate each remaining gnocchi, because it was there. OOOPs back to the program folks. Tha tha thats all there is folks on that.
A note of interest to me is that I am headed off today to lead, with that very same Mary K., my first CTI coaching course in several years. I am a bit nervous/excited to be stepping into this thing that I created so long ago and then left for others to do, so that I could go on to other things. I feel like I am opening in my 3rd production of Twelfth Night as Sir Toby Belch after a decade’s absence. I know the lines well, almost like I wrote them, and yet I have grown and changed so much since I last played the role. Will my growth overwhelm the role or the character or the script? Or will it serve it and take it to new places for me? Will I find new things in the role that I never even knew were there? Or will I try to shove things in that don’t belong there, will I try to slip some Hamlet in or some Falstaff in somewhere it just doesn’t belong? I choose to hold and intend that I am going to find nuances in Sir Toby and keep it a comedy and not make it a tragedy. I trust that I will practice my turtle medicine and find all sorts of interesting ways to breathe new and different life into this workshop that I created with love and care. I know that I will awaken consciousness and evoke aliveness and creativity in that room with those lovely Natural Creative Resourceful and Whole coaches.