The second thing to celebrate happened last night. I had a few people over for Book Club. In our Book Club tradition the host cooks dinner, sometimes the dinner is theme based on the food that was in the book, this time the only food in the book was brats, dog food and raw pan fish. The book was The Story Of Edgar Sawtelle, an excellent tragedy about a boy and his relationship with dogs. So not much food from the book, however the book takes place in northern Wisconsin so I made up a summer barbeque, chicken, grilled veggies, corn on the cob, and Karen made her famous cornbread and we had ice cream and warm peaches for desert. MMmm good for the food and a great conversation about the book, which some really liked and some didn’t like all that much, this defines a good book club book. The celebration is that there on my plate was a beautifully cooked piece of barbequed chicken and an ear of corn etc. and I ate a little over half of it and stopped. Stopped with corn still on the cob, OMG, left with chicken and sauce still on the bone, OMG, left cornbread crumbs on the plate. This is a pattern breaking barbeque, the old me would have gone through 1-2 ears of corn, 2-3 pieces of chicken, and 2-3 pieces of cornbread, (with the last piece of cornbread for sopping up any sauce left on the plate) and then I would clear the table and catch a few bites as the plates went back to the kitchen. And there I was just eating along and enjoying the conversation and Stopped. I was sort of astonished with mySelf, it was not a moment of asking mySelf if I should stop, or a feeling into mySelf for fulness, or planning and calculating how much I should eat based on my program, I just Stopped and was done. This moment is a profound moment of celebration that is easily as wonderful and effortless as my swim was in the morning. Yehaaaa
Now the curiosity. It is interesting to me that when I title a blog entry “Crashing” on a Tuesday morning I get twice the number of “hits” and comments as I do when I title an entry “Re-Alignment” on a Monday morning. I love that anybody is reading and commenting on my blog and I feel and love the support that is what is holding me accountable to this intention. And what intrigues me is how people seem to be drawn to the hard times, the tragedy, the falls, the crashes, the dips, the overcoming of great obstacles, and the trials and tribulations so much more then the celebrations, the wins, the realizations, the insights, the coming upon a simple truths, that are also the story. I feel the comments of the people who read both “the good” and “the bad” just as powerfully. Yet what is the most interesting to me are not the comments on the entries as much as which entry gets hits on the website, which I can track through a very cool feature. I can’t track who comes to the website but I can track how many come and to which pages they are drawn. They are drawn almost 2 to 1 to the titles that are more on the “bad” end of the spectrum, the “confessional” end where I am copping to some dark place and overcoming it. I want to be clear here that this is NOT a complaint, it is a curiosity about our world. I am aware of how much attention we pay to “bad news”, “tragic stories”, “fear based whatever”, and soap operas. I know we are all tuned to the hero’s journey and it seems we are much more interested in the struggle of the journey then in the victory. I think we are interested in Victory as a signal that the struggle is over more then we are interested in the victory itself, which is probably the reason we step right back into creating more struggle again so quickly. I do recognize the yearning for wholeness, for shadow and light, for completeness, and yet we humans do seemed to be more drawn to the entertainment value of shadow then we are to light. The curiosity is being tickled.