First of all thank you to all who made comments on my last two posts, I have learned so much from you and from my questions and curiosities. I have a greater acceptance of both mySelf and you my readers and for all of humanity as a result. Of course we humans want to witness both the struggle and the overcoming of the struggle. We can only really celebrate when we have something TO celebrate, we can’t just celebrate celebration, that would actually get to be boring and would not ultimately be celebrating anything except in some fake, inauthentic way. We celebrate the completion of a journey or the overcoming of something that wasn’t necessarily easy or comfortable, we can only actually celebrate ease and comfort as something that follows something that wasn’t.
I also understand even more deeply what my intention here in this blog is. I continue to need to tell the truth as to what I am noticing as I dive deeper into my consciousness and stay on track with my intention to fully integrate, love and accept mySelf. This intention is primarily focused on bringing my body into integrity and love with the rest of me at this point, and as I do that noticing what is going on with my spirit, emotions and mind as that integration occurs. I also know that I am engaged in developing my “Leader Within” and that in so doing I will both model and discover how to be a source of that in others. In being aware of that I also need to put that on the back burner as I tell the truth on mySelf, good, bad, ugly, and beautiful.
Some truth – I set out two days ago to do a Dreaming Ceremony that involved fasting, with water, and isolation, turning of all the phones and computers for 48hours. My intention was to drop deeply into the “dreaming state” of consciousness and tune into the unfolding dream of Life and of my life and of how they weave together. This is part of the work I am doing in my Black Lodge training and it is an extension of some powerful dreaming work I did in the last ceremony in March. Well I was somewhat successful in the dreaming and mostly learned a lot about what is needed for a “dreaming ceremony” that I didn’t do. I also powerfully learned this morning as I was writing out my homework for Black Lodge that I have been powerfully dreaming my life for awhile and that my time in Israel, in particular, a few weeks ago was a powerful dreaming ceremony even if I wasn’t fasting and following the protocols of ceremony. I am aware that there is much much deeper I can go if I want to use a formal ceremony and that if I do that I will need to do a lot more preparation. I learned that I am not much of a “preparer” and much more a “seat of the pants kind of guy” and that I really need to learn “preparer” skills.
Some Hard Truth – I came off the fast and got very silly and unconscious about food. I know better and I was acting out my frustrations over “failing” in my ceremony. I did some emotional eating and it crossed the line from soothing some part of me to abusing mySelf. I woke up this morning not feeling very good in my belly or my spirit.
So I felt mySelf aligning with my intention again and came up here to my computer with a cup of tea and started to write out my experience for my Black Lodge, have a healthy breakfast of a poached egg on Rye toast, and then to come up and write this blog entry. I am using this as a way to recover to mySelf and it is working.