This downward slide I have been on for the last week or more is one that follows the intense time of dreaming out in the world. I was gone for a month in the middle east doing intense and wonderful work with intense and wonderful people and I was loving every minute of it and the passion and the adrenalin were flowing freely. I returned and a couple of days later I am back in an In the Bones workshop for the first time in 4 or 5 years, loving every minute of it and the passion is flowing and the adrenalin is kicking in on top of the adrenalin that was already in there and hadn’t had a chance to completely flow out. I then leap right into a Retreat 1 with a group of incredibly powerful, wonderful and intense Water Dragons, adding some more passion and adrenalin to this already flowing system. I come back from that and the next day I am doing a presentation to 60 or so CTI grads about the need for Leadership in this world with Karen and pumping in some more of that passion and adrenalin and come home that night to people already gathering to do 3 days of design work on how we will train new leaders for CTI with lots of power, passion and wonderfulness and the passion keeps building and the adrenalin keeps flowing. Meanwhile I am writing in this blog about “Crashing” “Slippage” “I Don’t Wanna” , “The Judge and the Devil”, and “You would think I would get this” . I am also writing about “Re-alignment time”, “Captains Log, Stardate Gratitude and Hope”, “Celebration and Curiosity”, and “The Windup”. It is a complete roadmap of sliding down the other side of a big win to the bottom where the climb out will happen. During the slide down there are all these courageous attempts at grabbing ahold of the walls and starting back up. There are even great successes, fed by the adrenalin and passion, that truly feel like I have moved through and recovered from the dip. As I sit here today I want to shout to the world and primarily to the world inside mySelf that “I AM STILL EITHER SLIDING DOWN OR I AM HANGING OUT IN THE BOTTOM HERE UNTIL I AM GOOD AND READY TO START BACK OUT!”
What does this mean to my commitments and intention? It means that I am absolutely still on my program, doing the best that I possibly can. In fact I am following all of the 4 agreements:
I am living my life with impeccability
I am not taking anything personally
I am making no assumptions
I am doing my best
And I am doing all these things using the medicine of Turtle and Bear. Slow and Nurturing.
I have this weekend off, completely off, yay, with Karen and our hot tub. I plan to do as much nothing as possible with the exception of getting in and out of the hot tub. I have another weekend like that next weekend and then I am off to Ashland Oregon for the week to watch the best Theatre in this country at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival. So there is loads of time for recovery and adrenalin outflow over the next couple of weeks so, without making assumptions, I see a great possibility for climbing out of this dip in the next few weeks.
It has been very fun and healing for me to write this particular entry.