I don’t want to write about my program here and now, which means of course it would probably be a good idea. Seeing as this whole thing was put together in support of me sticking to it and holding mySelf accountable to me and all of you. AND I am truly struggling to keep myself interested in it. I am feeling a combination of victorious and defeated about it. I feel the victory of having moved my set default point backwards in the amount of food I eat and the amount of consciousness I put around my food and I feel defeated in going the distance to what I know I need to go to live into my dream of mySelf and the integration of my body, mind, spirit and emotions. I feel the victory of moving my set default point forward in the amount of activity, movement and swimming I have added into my life and I feel defeated in having only gone a few steps forward on a journey that feels like there is still quite some distance to travel. I feel like I am boring myself with talking about the same stuff over and over again and not getting very far with it. It’s not that I want to quit and go get a quart of ice cream and sit down and watch soap opera’s (which was a way that I quit once or twice in the past), it’s more that I want to move on and moving on isn’t an option. I truly need to move “through” this and not “on”. “On” has been the pattern and the habit in my life, which has led to a yo-yoing body mass and many other habits that haven’t been so hot for me. So no matter how much I feel like I want to move “on”. No matter how much “sense” it makes to move on, no matter how much passion I develop about some new thing that is out there in front of me, no matter how attracted I get to some wonderful spiritual path or development path or any other kind of path, I STAY. I stay and adjust, I stay and recommit, I stay and see what is needed to get over the next hill, I stay and remember that there is nothing happening on this planet or in life that is more important to mySelf then this simple program. It will get boring to me sometimes, it will feel uninteresting, the grass will be greener somewhere else and all that doesn’t matter because this is where the juice is. I need to recover to this simple journey of consciousness around my body and what it eats and how it moves. I need to remember that that journey is the doorway to all the other journeys of consciousness and awareness that there are to explore. As I step through this doorway over and over again I step deeper and deeper into knowing and integrating mySelf. As I fully integrate and know mySelf and my consciousness I step into more fully knowing and understanding human consciousness, and as I understand and know human consciousness I more completely feel the consciousness of life and the universe unfolding all around me with every breath I take.
So I Stay. I tell the truth. I hold mySelf accountable to my plan.
2/3s – movement – I swam 47 laps at the pool on Saturday, that’s 1175 yards or 2/3 mile, cool I just figured that out on the calculator and who knew I swam 2/3! Wow that is sooo cool. 47=2/3 mile. That is now my new bar. I can swim that far or further.
1/3 – Food – I would give myself a 6 out of 10 on 1/3 over the weekend. I did alright with restraint on my meals and I went unconscious at the movies with popcorn and soda. (good movie though) I just need to get back on the horse with my consciousness and commitment around eating. I am not “doing badly” I am just getting sloppy around something that I know I really am proud of in mySelf when I am impeccable. Oh that’s good, I am not “doing my best” as the 4 agreements ask for. So this today and this week I will focus on Doing my Best.