Death and Stress, Killers of Intention

Wow, this has been an unusual week as far as writing in this blog goes. One of my faithful readers may think that my intention is wavering or that I am still in a dip of gigantic proportions because this is only the third entry of the week and it is already Saturday. What is up with that? I have faced dragons in Leadership Programs and traveled to the other side of the world and still managed to find time to write in this blog and keep track of my accountabilities. I have been in dips and dives and busy beyond belief and still been at it, I have been home with nothing to do and deeply wanting to do more of that nothing and have managed to pull myself up to the computer and blog a bit. I have some excuses, of course, at the ready for myself and for any of you faithful readers but they would be just so much bull shit for the most part. Now that I have explored and discovered a New tap root called “I Am Wrong”, I could of course apply this tap root and just make myself all kinds of wrong and then sit and sulk some more.

I thought he was exiled  when it comes to taking my Intention away

I thought he was exiled
when it comes to taking my Intention away

I think there are two factors at work with me that are both managing to have an impact in this very visible media. The first has something to do with getting a bit bored with mySelf, my Intentions, my Commitments, getting conscious of me, food and exercise. Maybe bored isn’t the right word for it, maybe it’s more like it’s losing it’s shine and I am having a more and more difficult time keeping it shiny. This has been the Man with the scythe for all my “good intentions” in the past. He has reared his head before even in this process and I was able to banish him very effectively and in the process make everything shiny again. The number of times in my life when I have let something go because it has lost it’s shine, become dull to me, or boring, is remarkable. (which is why I am remarking on it here 🙂 ) So before I move on to the second factor, I am declaring right here and now that, I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THIS JOURNEY IS TO ME AND I MUST STAY ON IT FOR THE LONG TERM. It doesn’t need to be shiny or interesting even it just needs to be so. It can get as boring or mundane, easy or hard, light or heavy, relevant or irrelevant as it becomes it doesn’t matter I will keep engaged in the journey of deepening and increasing my consciousness and integrating mySelf. I will keep moving forward with 1/3 2/3s and doing my best to track it and measure it my way. So I stick my tongue out and wiggle my hands near my ears at both the “Shiny bit man” and the “Death to Intention” man.

The Stress Bomb

The Stress Bomb

Of course now the second factor is not so meaningful and yet I am going to write about it, because it is there and it is causing reactions in my body and at the root of some difficult conversations and desires to hide my head in the sand or just go on a permanent road trip. STRESS. Not just the stress I am feeling in my day to day life, which ebbs and flows like stress does. More the stress of the world around me as this weird economy keeps eating away at everything that I know, love and have created. Who is dreaming this dream? Please stop it. I am working as much as I can to dream another dream that is flexibly meeting both the Sacred Dream of Life and the dream of “reality” that is out there and my dream keeps running into dead ends and u-turns. I am not stopping my dreaming and I am noticing some stress showing up as these collisions keep occurring. I know I have to stop “working” at it and Yield to the Sacred Dream of Life that is unfolding, even in this stressful time. And yet that is hard sometimes. This yielding, then merging, then transforming process isn’t stressful and yet when the stress is in charge it is very difficult to find that cycle. The stress is also having an impact on my body. Allergies are acting up and weird bumps, itches and pains are popping up (no need to worry I have been to a doctor and they are quite normal bumps and pains) and I have some poison oak that won’t go away (also recently helped by my cool doc). So my program of exercise and conscious eating has been spotty as my body has been going through it’s stress stuff.

So when I put those two factors together and add into the pot all the other “excuses” it’s no wonder that I haven’t been keeping up very well with my intentions and commitments. Well I am back today, thanks to this writing and I will do my best to recommit tomorrow and see this life move on in as grand a way as I can.

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