I am here. I am here in Dillon Beach, at my desk, writing in this blog.
I was sitting on the rim of a canyon with 30 or so beautiful spirits soaking up the teachings and the sun for the last two weeks. I was moving rocks and creating beauty on and with the land. I was sinking into the truth of who I am and looking at what that really means.I was looking into Transformation in mySelf and in the world. It is interesting what I have found. I have been working with transformation for years and have always thought it was about changing something or someone. In some circumstances and realities that is probably still quite true. One of the interesting things I have discovered over the last 2 weeks is that transformation is actually about MAKING REAL the shifts or changes that have already been made and then sticking with them. So, once I have opened up my consciousness and become more aware of mySelf and my World, I have done the work to clean out my basement and continue to do so, I have dedicated mySelf to a path and started the journey down that path, I have seen the Dream Of Life unfolding in front of me and my dreams merging with the unfolding one, I am clear on how to keep mySelf in balance and harmony, then the job of transformation is to lock all of that into place in this body and in this time and to fill me, or whomever is being transformed, with spirit. Transformation is complete when the body, mind and emotions are filled with the spirit and spirit is running the show. There is a palpability to it. There is a rightness. There is an “of course”. There is a sense of everything being both more real and less real at the same time.
So this is where I have been and what I have been up to. I returned home from this ceremony not feeling as “changed” as I have from previous ceremonies and yet feeling more complete and substantial. I feel more real somehow, and yet I don’t feel like I have added much more to the knowledge I carry in my brain. I was having dinner with Karen last night and she touched my arm and then my shoulder and exclaimed that she felt me more then she had before. It felt like she was saying that the me that was inside my body, my heart and my spirit, had moved out, expanded, and was closer to my skin, that I was actually filling up this big beautiful body with ME more then I ever have before. In that moment I got this insight as to what I had been up to these last two weeks in the desert, and what transformation really means.
I am in the question about this blog and my Moderation 1/3 2/3s program. I know that this blog serves me well in staying conscious and keeping the harmony and balance of all of the parts of me. I know that the program that I have created for mySelf and particularly the body part of mySelf is a good one. I also know that I have been working the program in a halfassed kind of way for the last 6 months or so. The blog and the writing have become more important to me then the program. Yet every time I think of just dropping the program it feels like I am letting mySelf down. So the only thing for me to do is to recommit to the program and follow the Four Agreements: 1) Be impeccable in my thoughts, words and actions. 2) Make no assumptions. 3) Don’t take anything personally. and 4) Do my best (this is my favorite, because it takes away any of the nonsense I can make up about the other 3).