Breaking the habit of “They”

There is no "they", there is only WE

There is no they, there is only WE

What is it about the fall? From Mid September to Christmas things start to move so fast. There seems to be so much going on, places to go and people to see. There is an old part of me that used to rebel to this and to sit with a complaint in the back of my head that went something like this, “why can’t they all just leave me alone and let me just sit here and look at the ocean?” The key word in that complaint is “they”, like there is some group of people out there forcing me into a life of busyness. I used to be a victim of “they”. Man the things “they” did to me were horrible and unspeakable, things like taking me away from my tv and my habits, and worst of all “making” me work. I think back to my childhood and how “they” made me do my homework and practice my piano. I developed all sorts of tricky strategies to fool them into thinking I did what “they” wanted and knew that I hadn’t. I began to think it was preferable to NOT do what “they” wanted, so I developed into a very nice rebel. A rebel that looked like he was going along and all the time was working hard at getting away with all he could. Of course often I was actually working harder at getting away with stuff then I ever would have had to work at just doing the stuff that “they” wanted. Thus I learned all sorts of wonderful ways to compensate and please at the same time. These brilliant compensations became some of the foundations for my philosophies in life. They became the basis for my ethics, principals and the source of my creative fountain. So I wouldn’t want it any other way, I realize I did a good job in raising me up to be who I am. These brilliant compensations also brought some unfortunate habits along with them that no longer serve me and I am digging around in my basement to separate the habits from the brilliance so that I can be operating freely in my brilliance.

The first habit I want to rid mySelf of is “They”. As I sit here this morning I am thinking that there is no they. There is only I, you, and we. At some fundamental level I am connected to all of the you’s out there and that makes a we. It is up to me to accept, understand and most important of all take in, read the energy and not project my crap on all of the you’s that are out there. When I can do that then there is no they there is only we. When there is only we then I have to share the responsibility with you and I can’t just thrust it off to them. When there is no they then I can no longer be a victim of a mysterious “them”, bosses, parents, systems, governments, organizations, and any other “them” that is out there that I might make myself a victim of. It also means I have to be fully conscious of all of the choices and decisions I am making , because they are mine. It’s not “them” that gives me homework, it’s ME that choses to take it or not.

When I am in relationship with you then we are responsible for the world. When I imagine that there is some “they” out there then I am not responsible any longer and I don’t truly take you in, I only project you onto the they.

4 responses to “Breaking the habit of “They”

  1. Wow – such lovely and powerful posting!!! (And I have done the using THEY thing as well – sigh) Your post SO brought to my mind immediately Martin Bubers writings on the ‘I and Thou’ – the necessary of seeing others as ‘I – Thou’ instead of ‘I – It’ I love his work and the I-Thou concept.

    ‘When I confront a human being as my Thou and speak the basic word I-Thou to him, then he is no thing among things nor does he consist of things.

    He is no longer He or She, limited by other He’s and She’s, a dot in the world grid of space and time, nor a condition that can be experienced and described, a loose bundle of named qualities. Neighborless and seamless, he is Thou and fills the firmament. Not as if there were nothing but he; but everything else lives in his light. ‘ – Martin Burber

  2. Love being part of the ‘we’ vs the ugly ‘they’. We are brilliant, beautiful, and have so much wisdom. We are beings and so alive. Thank you, Henry.

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