Finding My Way Back, Again


I think I'll follow the snail, slow is good.

Well here I am on a glorious clear day. Out on the horizon is a big container ship heading north and west, I wonder where it’s going?

I haven’t written in here for a bit, because for the last three days or so I have been writing in other places. I have been doing some “riffs” for my book on Leadership that I am working on with my buddy David Skibbins. I am getting excited by the way it is taking shape and at the rate we are going we should have something of a first draft together by spring of next year. cool. I also have been drawn to a couple of conversations on a couple of networking sites and been spending some time on my Black Lodge site. So many sites to visit and so little time, it does keep it all interesting though.

And the real time burner as well as the mind distractor is that I have gotten hooked on one of those facebook games. It’s one where I go on quests, kill dragons, and do all sorts of repetitive cursor play and feel like I am getting somewhere, when in point of fact I am sitting at my desk and clicking my mouse. Wow between farming, killing mobsters, scrabble, and lord knows how many other opportunities there are, just in facebook, to waste massive amounts of time and join a completely other world. I have 100’s of new “friends” that I just play games with and send virtual gifts back and forth to. These “friends” are all over the world and we meet up in these games and get a peek into each others worlds. It’s fascinating, addicting, burns time up like nothing I’ve ever experienced and a great way not to miss Karen. So I’ve yanked myself away from Castle Age and turned on some Carlos Nakai and Peter Kater music and sat myself down here in front of the computer with nothing on my screen except this in front of me.

It’s time to get conscious.

When is it NOT time to get conscious? There is a sharpening of my practices that starts today. I realize that I say that a lot and it starts to sound pretty pathetic to me at times that I keep needing to “start” today. There is still that one in me that really wants these practices to become habits and not need to ever be “started” again, because they are simply happening as part of the course of my life. This one in me has a close relationship to that one in me that judges me for NOT having it all together yet and for slipping so consistently out of practice. Then there is the one in me that is remarkably patient, has the energy of the turtle and the bear in him and he simply knows that there is no better day to start then today and there is no better time to start then now. There is only starting. There is a paradox really, I think, that I will always be starting and beginning to sink into my practices while at the same time whatever practices I am starting or beginning are working me and I am changed in some way as a result. For example, that Turtle/Bear voice in me wasn’t even audible a year or two ago. All I seemed to hear were the other ones in my circle that seemed to sap power, energy and possibility. Of course that Bear/Turtle voice was always there and patiently protecting the spirit that I am and working with me in subtle ways, keeping me move forward, even when I thought I wasn’t.

Today I am being nudged towards swimming again, which I haven’t done since I got back from the cottage in August. I am being pulled to the water and the exercise of it and I am listening and will be headed off to the pool in a couple of hours. I can feel the cells in my body going “Yippie”. I have some time these next couple of weeks and so I am intending to hit the pool several times. However all that I am thinking about is “starting” today.

The three other practices, in addition to this blog, that I want to bring back into focus with more regularity are meditation, a “riff” a day for the book, and moderation and restraint focus around food. I am going to use this blog for the next couple of weeks to be accountable to those four practices. Ah accountability, sometimes so boring and yet so important to actually getting things done. One other thing that I need to do and don’t know if it is a practice or just something that may happen once or twice is to do some “pipe dreaming”, literally take the bowl of my new prayer pipe and dream with it at night when I sleep and see what I need to do next in my work with this pipe.

2 responses to “Finding My Way Back, Again

  1. I had that exact same realisation about Farmtown a month or so ago – I was so involved in it and then I was like ‘Wait a second – I’m here spending lots of energy and time creating virtual apple orchards – hmmmmm..’ And then when I stopped, I then started my new blog which is a joy and exploration and place of connection and launch pad for something bigger (not sure what though!) Much better feeling of energy going somewhere and serving my purpose! YAY!

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