Meditation Story

430171_blog

Imagine me with the sun at my back and down in the backyard.

The most common form of meditation I do is a form of zazen meditation that my teacher RainbowHawk taught me a year and a half ago. I sit on the ground on a blanket or a zafu, take a few cleansing breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth pick a spot on the floor, wall or bush opposite me and soften my focus by keeping my eyes open just a bit. I then count my breaths like this, easy full inhale – easy full exhale, say “1” inside my head, next breath, say “2”, until I get to 10 and then start over again at 1. This is marvelous because it gives my mind a simple job to do, and it’s easy to know when my mind starts to wander because I lose count and have to start over again. I bought a little timer so that I don’t have to be aware of thinking about or watching the time, and I set the timer for 20 minutes typically. Well the timer lives up in my little meditation cupola up on the roof of my house, where I usually meditate. Occasionally I like to meditate outside in the back yard, feeling the sun and the breeze on my skin and hearing the sounds of life all around me as I sink into my spot. When I go outside I take my watch with me, and I have this pesky little voice that says every now and then “is it time yet?” that I have to breathe through and return to the count. This voice particularly comes up as I get with in a minute or two of my standard 20 minutes, because the truth is I know the time and my brain sometimes doesn’t trust that I do.

Well, today I spontaneously started giving my brain a little game to play. When I got to the second set of 10 I started by saying internally 1a, 2a etc., and decided in that moment to go to 10z, in other words counting ten breaths 26 times. I had no thoughts or worries about it and just did an internal “ok” that lasted part of the moment between 1a and 2a, and off I went. The meditation went fine, occasionally my mind worried that it was thinking to much by having to remember the alphabet and I breathed through it and kept on going. It settled into a great meditation with the world in my soft focus starting to shimmer and sparkle, up until the S, T, U range and then my body started to complain. My legs fell asleep as they always do but I started to get some pain in my butt and I started to feel like I had to pee. I breathed through it and breathed my posture straight, and when I got to X &Y sweat started to pour down my head and my back. I kept breathing and got to 1z, 2z and everything calmed down and this feeling of appreciation and gratitude swept over me. This was a wave of blissful feeling that started with my body and zoomed out into the universe. I got to the last deep breath 10Z. I began to slowly move my body and stretch out my sand bag legs, put on my glasses and saw that I had been meditating for 45 minutes, over twice as long as I had ever meditated before. My brain and body knew I had meditated longer then I had before but not that much more. As I got the feeling back in my legs and started to stretch I noticed that my brain wanted me to get up and get going and all of the rest of me was really digging just sitting down in the sun with nowhere to go and nothing to do. So I sat there for another half hour or so and slowly got up and made my way back here to write about it.

What I love about this after meditation wondering is that there is NO judgments, good or bad, about what happened, where there would have been in the not too distant past. There were no plans being made to repeat the experience or to avoid it, there were no voices trying to determine if it was alright or proper what I did and if the teacher or some other authority would think I did good. All of those possible voices that I recognize would have been there in the past just aren’t there anymore. I think this is a good thing. This is the medicine of Bear and Turtle at work I think.

Accountability

Blog – yes
Riff – no
Meditation – yes
Movement 5-10 I took a short walk and did some stairs
Food ??? I notice that I think I miss Karen more then I thought and that I have been acting out a bit around food for the last few days and attempting to deny it or fool mySelf in some way. Particularly with sugar and alcohol. So moving forward today I am applying the 1/3 rule to alcohol and removing processed white sugar again from my plate. (dab of honey in the tea and yogurt and teaspoon of Maple syrup in the oatmeal is ok)

430171_blog

Imagine me with the sun at my back and down in the backyard.

One response to “Meditation Story

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