The Splinter


Ouch, our splinter will someday work its way out and be this easy to spot.

As Karen and I were muddling around in our third downward spiral dance since she got home, and I was reacting more and more and the anger and the hurt were building and growing, and the terrible disappointment in the crumbled fantasy we each held of the loving-leaping-into-each-other-return, a realization emerged in the incredibly brilliant and insightful Karen/Golden Elks heart mind. That it felt like there was a splinter under the skin of our relationship working its way out. You know that kind of splinter that you don’t see but you know is there and it is irritating and annoying you but you can’t do anything about it no matter how much you try. Well there we both were at the bottom of this spiral of yuckyness when Karen noticed that there could be a splinter in there somewhere trying to get out, and that is a good thing. It’s not an enjoyable experience and sometimes you just need to be a little patient and it will work itself out. The fun part is being conscious and learning something as it takes its journey and finally taking a good clear look at it when it’s out.

The hard part for me was that I should know better how to stabilize my emotions and not have to allow myself to get swept back into victim, blame and wrong. I do in fact know a lot of great tools and spiritual practices to do when the spiral starts to spin. Yet obviously there is still more walking to do down this path of learning. I still need to practice breathing and stepping into the center of my being, that place of patience, compassion and love for mySelf. When I can do that there is no victim, blame or wrong there is only responsibility and ownership of what it is I am creating in this situation and desire and yearning to be in a deeper connection with Karen. When I do that the co-dependent need to please her and make her happy, which leads to all sorts of acrobatics, back stepping and double talking, completely disappears and is replaced by a deep respect, trust and knowing that she too can work out and through whatever she needs to and I am here to support her in any way that is needed. So these are the things I know about me and my relationship with my beloved. Sometimes I really want a magic wand so I can just make that so forever and not have to keep waiting on the splinters to work themselves out, maybe there is some magical universe someday that I can create where that will be the case, however today I am in the universe of splinters and practice and learning. I am happily breathing mySelf into that universe and looking down the path for what is happening as I take this next step.

5 responses to “The Splinter

  1. Awareness is the best gift ever! It’s also reassuring to know that no matter who you are and how spiritually advanced, you’re also human. And to be human is to feel all emotions and constantly dance with life. Hooray! The learning never ends, the sweet successes always get sweeter 🙂 Tia @TiaSparkles

  2. What a great post!

    Henry, do you really want to wave that magic wand? (Ha – I typed “WANT” by mistake… interesting!)

    Why can’t we celebrate the splinters sometimes?!? We would never get to experience the great feeling when the splinter is removed (or the process used to remove it).

    I get that it would be a drag to live in splinterville all the time. Wouldn’t it also be a drag to live without the challenge of having to remove a splinter now and then?

    I love this universe because it is real – beautiful, ugly, easy, hard, frustrating, challenging and yes… splintery. Magic is fun and full of wonderment, but it isn’t real.

    The splinters of yesterday have given you (and what you KNOW about your realtionship with Karen) today. Such a huge part of the richness of life!

  3. Henry –

    How honest of you to share this. I see myself in your story and it’s reassuring to know I’m in good company.

    A splinter needs to fester a bit in order for the body to expel it. The festering is a bit toxic but all part of the process.

    For many we reach for that elixir – an antibiotic to quell the perceived infection and related pain. The body in it’s wisdom, know it’s natural process and us to intellectually impose our will and “drugs” on the situation – most assuredly will prolong the healing and leave that splinter deep within – unmoved.

    I find a nice long calming soak in warm water, always seems to help move things along more naturally.

    Love and Light,


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