The hard part for me was that I should know better how to stabilize my emotions and not have to allow myself to get swept back into victim, blame and wrong. I do in fact know a lot of great tools and spiritual practices to do when the spiral starts to spin. Yet obviously there is still more walking to do down this path of learning. I still need to practice breathing and stepping into the center of my being, that place of patience, compassion and love for mySelf. When I can do that there is no victim, blame or wrong there is only responsibility and ownership of what it is I am creating in this situation and desire and yearning to be in a deeper connection with Karen. When I do that the co-dependent need to please her and make her happy, which leads to all sorts of acrobatics, back stepping and double talking, completely disappears and is replaced by a deep respect, trust and knowing that she too can work out and through whatever she needs to and I am here to support her in any way that is needed. So these are the things I know about me and my relationship with my beloved. Sometimes I really want a magic wand so I can just make that so forever and not have to keep waiting on the splinters to work themselves out, maybe there is some magical universe someday that I can create where that will be the case, however today I am in the universe of splinters and practice and learning. I am happily breathing mySelf into that universe and looking down the path for what is happening as I take this next step.