One of my cousins moved into my Grandfather’s house after he died and did a lot of renovations to the house and over the years that house has become her home and the house itself has felt less and less like home to my cells the creek and the woods and the pond still call to my cells and it is a weaker call then it was in my childhood. I would no longer feel at home there. If I were to sell this place that is home here in Dillon Beach and someone else moved in to make it there home it would not feel the same and after time, again, only the land would call me, only the view, and only the rocks that I have spent time on meditating and taking it all in would hold that sense of home for me. So this “at home” feeling that calls to my cells and is place based is temporary and fragile as much as it is beautiful and oh so satisfying.
The second state of “at home” is what I have been working on for these last 5 years or so. That sense of being at home in mySelf. I have been creating that same sense of my cells being so filled up with satisfaction and breath with this moment where ever I am and with who ever I am with, so that every moment is filled with a sense of being “at home”. As I develop this ability to be “at home” in my skin, in my spirit, in my mind, in my heart, in my emotions, in this universe, in this moment and with this breath the possibility exists for me to create the same sense of no-stress, relaxed and yet alive and aware state of being that my cells experience when I land in a place that is “at home”. This integration of my selves and finding love and compassion for all parts of mySelf, this deepening of consciousness of where ever my feet or butt is planted IS HOME is growing in me. I am aware that as I grow this and step more and more into this place I can no longer tolerate the complaints and collusions that I have with myself and my loved ones about being away from home, about how “painful” or “exhausting” it is to be away from home. I need to be more impeccable with my words and notice the pain of missing my beloved or being tired from being well used and not create the reality in my speaking of missing home, when I AM home where ever I am.
The third state of being “at home” is in the arms of my beloved. In this place of breathing in and breathing out with this person that I have scrambled to the top of mountains with and slid down into hell with. This woman who has soothed my confused brow and yelled at me and who I have calmed down of many a ledge and have lost my voice in both joy and anger with. This being of light and wonder, who her self is not “at home” and is off transforming the lives of a tribe of Geese. This place of being “at home” with Karen is also a place of wonder and learning and expanding consciousness on all levels of my being.
Now when I walk in the doorway of this home I love so much, this place where my cells just exhale and the smile of recognition slips onto my face I will be doubly at home. My already at home Self will now enter a sanctuary of support of that sense of being at home. And when on Monday Karen comes home the final penny will drop in the at home meter and all that was already well and good will be complete.