At Home

At Home in all three states.

This morning I am aware of three states of awareness that I call “at home”. The first is this wonderful sense of place that I feel in a few places on the planet earth. These places I can walk into and the cells in my body respond by instantly settling down and recognizing themselves in relationship to every chair, bed, view, shower, teapot, cup, and silverware drawer. They can feel their way, like water feels it’s way down a mountain, to quickly and effortlessly settle into what they know and love. There is no sense of “thinking” about “where is this thing or that thing” or “what is this for?” Everything is known and familiar and if it isn’t it is a curiosity not a stress causer. This first state of “at home” is caused by my relationship with a place and my establishment of that place as “MY HOME”. Whether I own it or not, whether I have any rights to call it “mine” or not doesn’t matter, because the cells know and have that relationship. My house in Dillon Beach is one of those places, my family’s cottage in Georgian Bay is another, The Mother Tree retreat center was another, and my Grandfather’s house in Columbus, while he was still alive was another. These places wake something up in my cells while at the same time allowing them to relax and feel at home.

One of my cousins moved into my Grandfather’s house after he died and did a lot of renovations to the house and over the years that house has become her home and the house itself has felt less and less like home to my cells the creek and the woods and the pond still call to my cells and it is a weaker call then it was in my childhood. I would no longer feel at home there. If I were to sell this place that is home here in Dillon Beach and someone else moved in to make it there home it would not feel the same and after time, again, only the land would call me, only the view, and only the rocks that I have spent time on meditating and taking it all in would hold that sense of home for me. So this “at home” feeling that calls to my cells and is place based is temporary and fragile as much as it is beautiful and oh so satisfying.

The second state of “at home” is what I have been working on for these last 5 years or so. That sense of being at home in mySelf. I have been creating that same sense of my cells being so filled up with satisfaction and breath with this moment where ever I am and with who ever I am with, so that every moment is filled with a sense of being “at home”. As I develop this ability to be “at home” in my skin, in my spirit, in my mind, in my heart, in my emotions, in this universe, in this moment and with this breath the possibility exists for me to create the same sense of no-stress, relaxed and yet alive and aware state of being that my cells experience when I land in a place that is “at home”. This integration of my selves and finding love and compassion for all parts of mySelf, this deepening of consciousness of where ever my feet or butt is planted IS HOME is growing in me. I am aware that as I grow this and step more and more into this place I can no longer tolerate the complaints and collusions that I have with myself and my loved ones about being away from home, about how “painful” or “exhausting” it is to be away from home. I need to be more impeccable with my words and notice the pain of missing my beloved or being tired from being well used and not create the reality in my speaking of missing home, when I AM home where ever I am.

The third state of being “at home” is in the arms of my beloved. In this place of breathing in and breathing out with this person that I have scrambled to the top of mountains with and slid down into hell with. This woman who has soothed my confused brow and yelled at me and who I have calmed down of many a ledge and have lost my voice in both joy and anger with. This being of light and wonder, who her self is not “at home” and is off transforming the lives of a tribe of Geese. This place of being “at home” with Karen is also a place of wonder and learning and expanding consciousness on all levels of my being.

Now when I walk in the doorway of this home I love so much, this place where my cells just exhale and the smile of recognition slips onto my face I will be doubly at home. My already at home Self will now enter a sanctuary of support of that sense of being at home. And when on Monday Karen comes home the final penny will drop in the at home meter and all that was already well and good will be complete.

3 responses to “At Home

  1. Lovely!!!
    Henry what a blissful feeling to be at home and as the saying goes “There’s no place like home” especially when home is your self and your cells. Beautifully written!
    Thank you for sharing.

    Best, Sarah

  2. Hello my love:

    Your blog will be the last thing I read as I go off to my dream time tonight. I’m soothed and grounded by your beautiful words and the energy of YOU that is imanating from your blog these days.

    My sleep will be sweeter tonight from the wash of your wisdom and the poetry of your post.

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