Finding Solid Ground

We just need to get down under the surface of things and find a way to fuse these two plates together.

My beloved Karen and I had a tough weekend this past weekend. An emotional roller coaster ride as each of us took our turns to do a swan dive into the pits of complex and difficult emotions while the other did an amazing job of tending the one that was alternating between swimming and drowning in this pit. As the tender slowly coaxed the swimmer/drowner back to the edge and eventually out of the pit and the emotional swirls in the belly and heart began to calm and the feet started to feel solidly on the ground, the conversation would then get rich as to some of the underlying reasons for the conflict that kicked of the dive. From that conversation would emerge of connected good times together and then without warning the other would get knocked down into the pit and the whole thing would start all over again, only the roles would now be reversed. Often there would be a righteous struggle on the lip of this pit and each would fall their own ways into their own pits, swimming and drowning for awhile in their simultaneous pits, one would eventually find the edge and climb out and feebly crawl back to the lip to help the other out. While the other was desperately trying to crawl out they would say something that would knock their saviour back into their pit again and this would go on for far to long for either of us.

Then it happened, we were in the parking lot outside REI sitting in the car with one of us helping the other step out of the pit and on to dry firm land when the conversation dove under the surface of the pits and the mountains and the valleys and into some of the core issues that are the magma that create all those pits and mountains in the first place. Man oh man if we can keep our eyes on that prize as we fall into those pits and scramble up those mountains we can begin to fall and scramble less and start to enjoy what we create together much much more. It is such a relief to realize that there is something, some tectonic plate shifting that has always gone on under the surface and that all we need to do is be able to go down together to those plates and do some magic on them so that they fuse into one plate that is stable and solid and able to support a world of all sorts of differences and creative disagreements. We can stand on that solid earth and have complete confidence in our own world view and complete openness and ability to receive the others point of view without needing to protect, defend, judge, make wrong or right, or to nag, manipulate, guilt trip, dictate, dominate or act in a passive aggressive way to get “our way”. With that solid ground we can passionately disagree and not take it personally, we can find exciting and synergistic new solutions and directions to problems and issues that in the past would send us scrambling or falling.

This is exciting. Now let’s keep at it. The pits and the mountains will be there for a bit as we dive beneath them, our habit will be to fall or scramble and we have to keep digging down underneath NO MATTER WHAT. The magic is down there.

One response to “Finding Solid Ground

  1. Hi Henry,

    Have been reading old pages on this blog and came accross the Turtle metaphor. I love it.

    It speaks so much to me.

    Helped get through a challenging day today… and realise that what I use to label as passivity is just some deep quiet wisdom, hehe.

    Great post up here to, seems like you guys are working hard on this.

    Best, coach BK

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