It’s always strange after I have been away from this writing for a couple of days coming back and getting mySelf reoriented to what it is I want to be writing about. I’ll often use the weather or the view out my window to get me started. Sometimes I am coming in from some journey or other and that has me all pumped up to dive into some new depths of awarenesses that have arisen during the journey. This morning I am aware that all those things are true and I have this other rare malady that occasionally happens to me where I am both excited and eager to write something because I have been away from it for awhile and know that the writing of it often seems to take me down a layer and I am reluctant and blank as to what to write, I feel myself not knowing what to write about and/or just a little bit in that old “I don’t wanna” place that I spent some time digging around in a couple of weeks ago. So I am both excited and eager, and reluctant and blank.
I think I’ll pay more attention to the excited and eager part of me. That’s the part that has me sitting up in my chair with goose bumps on the backs of my arms, my back straight and attention alert. Let’s take a deep breath and see what comes forth………………. So in addition to a breath I got a fresh cup of tea and came back and looked at the ocean and the swirls of foam and realized that there are a lot of energies that are all coming into a confluence of sorts and starting this big swirl of a windup for an evolutionary leap in my consciousness. I can get in the swirl of these energies and allow mySelf to get pulled into the leap or I can sit on my couch, eat bon bons and miss the whole thing.
Here are the energies that are coming together.
Uno) My birthday is coming up. I turn 57 on March 22. The last 2 (55 and 56) birthdays I spent in Black Lodge Ceremonies, away from Karen, who I have spent the last 13 or 14 birthdays with prior to Black Lodge. However what I learned in these ceremonies opened my consciousness up in ways that I couldn’t have imagined and indeed I gave birth to mySelf and celebrated those births in wonderful ways, even if I couldn’t celebrate them with my beloved. This birthday and the next (57 and 58) Karen will be in Black Lodge and I will be home alone. This is now a whole new opportunity to find ways to celebrate the birth of mySelf. I will be taking this energy flow into a journey of reestablishing my consciousness practices in a new and powerful way. Instead of over indulging as a way of celebrating, More more more more how do I fill myself with as much experience, food, drink, love and celebration as is possible and then stuff in just a little bit more, NO instead I will take the opportunity of Karen being gone for two weeks and having a schedule that I have arranged so that I don’t really start my work day until noon, to get up every morning early so that I can be at the pool by 6:15am or 7:15 on weekends to start my day with a silent swim, yes I said EVERY morning. I’ll shower at the pool and come home for a meditation, then I’ll have a sit down breakfast. Than I will come up here for some time writing in my blog. My idea is that with the two weeks that Karen is gone I can focus my consciousness on what I know I really want and need to do to keep mySelf on my path or I can let myself fall apart in depression and ridiculousness.
Dos) Food. With all the reading I am doing and my commitments around Eating Local, Slow, and Clean Food, I am really excited to add this energy flow into the confluence of flows that are creating the swirl leading to the leap. There is a consciousness that is associated with the journey of food as it becomes the energy that sustains this body that I love, that the more I touch into it the more certain and right I feel about this flow. I know that I am asking the right questions now and I am learning to REALLY appreciate and savor the food and drink that I purchase, prepare and partake in. I also have learned of the importance of meals lovingly prepared and presented, moderate portions that are slowly and gratefully eaten, and complete activation of the senses of smell and taste that are way too under appreciated in this hustle and bustle macdonalds world. I know that the gift of my life long struggle with weight, size has led me to this place of understanding that loving my body is expressed in the choices I am making to give it what it loves. This flow combined with the previous flow starts to create a powerful swirl indeed.
Tres) There is something happening in the energy flow I call work. There is a relaxing into the power and the truth of the work I am engaged in with no need to defend or prove myself any more. I am fully engaged in creating Contextually Based Experientially Driven Transformative Learning. I know that what I do is making a difference already and that I will keep doing it while being completely open to new ideas and influences that will add to the consciousness brightening that is what I think we all are here to do to some extent or another. I can sit with folks who seem to be going in another direction and not get panicked or threatened and patiently wait to see what will emerge and to be there to put my, much needed, spin on where it will go next without dominating or overwhelming those around me to make sure I get my way. This energy is growing in me daily as I begin to understand how big our work is and yet it all exists in this moment, in this conversation, in this next opening. So the power of Turtle is starting to settle into this energy flow as it joins the swirl.
Three energy flows all working together to create a powerful swirl leading to an evolutionary leap. Not bad for being blank 45 minutes ago.