The hump wasn’t there this morning. With even an hours less sleep I stumbled mySelf into my clothes and grabbed my swim bag and was out the door 5 minutes after I woke up with narry a thought about not going. Yes my muscles were complaining and yes I was wiping sleep out of my eyes as I backed out of the garage, yet this morning was a morning without doubt or question. I am not saying that tomorrow morning won’t be filled with all sorts of crap all over again, I am just saying that this morning wasn’t and that is worthy of celebration. As I swam this morning, after the first 15 laps to get in the feel of things and to let the person sharing my lane to get done and leave so I had the lane to myself, I began to sink into a meditative swim that was slower then my normal pace and I started doing the “sacred 20 count” which is a sort of prayer to the universe I learned from my teachers that calls in all of the energies of the universe. I did one round getting a sense of the rhythm of it as I swam and thinking the song of it in my head, matching it to my breathing and my strokes. Then I went through it again and just called in the energies as I swam, as I called in the energies I also felt great gratitude in my heart and my cells for each of the 16 energies and the 4 consciousnesses that are called out in the prayer/song. My stroke slowed down even more and in a way I lost awareness, for a time, of the other swimmers and the rest of the pool activities and became aware of the water and the sun rising and the light and my breathing in and out these energies as I swam.
I came home from this meditative swim and took my shower and then headed up to my cupola where I do my meditation and sat to meditate and I had the hardest time doing my meditation. I was all fidgety and my focus would wander and I couldn’t bring it back to my breath and the simple focus and counting for some reason. I broke off the meditation before the timer chime sounded the 20 minutes and sat for a couple of minutes wondering what was going on. It wasn’t until I was writing here that a possibility occurred to me that I had done my meditation in the pool and I was ready to move on with my day, and instead I was “going through the motions” of my commitments rather then being open to what was happening underneath and all through me and my commitments. What was driving the commitments (Thank you Kathy Loh for your comments yesterday), that I wasn’t committed to the doings I was committed to what the doings were supporting inside of me. It isn’t the swimming or the meditation that I am committed to it is the integration of mySelf and expanding my consciousness that I am committed to. I am committed to doing what it takes in the most impeccable way possible to bring all parts of mySelf into an integrated wholeness and to keep brightening the diamond of consciousness in mySelf and all humans. That is what these actions are supporting. I also need to be aware that there are old beliefs, images and attitudes that are always simmering below the surface ready to bubble up and pull me away from my true commitments. This is the reason why it is important to do the doings regardless of thoughts and feelings that arise and then after the fact contemplate, remember and open mySelf up to assessing what worked and what didn’t work in support of my commitments. This is what “doing my best” means I think. I continue to DO what ever I hold as BEST for Integration and Consciousness and review it later. So I discover that two meditations were over the top for me today. Tomorrow I may discover that two meditations didn’t quite get the job done for me. Tomorrow I will still go swimming and meditate because I know that those actions are currently my best actions to support my commitments.