Flotsam

Flotsam, resting place, home, world, or trash
Your choice.

Day 16

The day is so beautiful that no matter what gets kicked up on email or on some minor frustration or other I can’t seem to hold on to how upsetting these things would normally be. They don’t seem to stick around and I seem to move faster then ever to just not caring, not the cold heartless kind of not caring, not the “screw you I ain’t doing this no matter what” kind of not caring and not the “I don’t love you anymore because of what you said or did” kind of not caring. It’s the kind of not caring where I just don’t take it on personally and add crappy guilt or shame to mySelf in any kind of way not caring. It doesn’t mean I am not going to do the thing asked of me or not do it. It doesn’t mean that I am going to be resistant or subservient in any way. It does mean I am going to look at each one of these little things that comes my way over this day and take a look out the window at the gorgeous view of sky blue sky with streaks and slashes of light clouds and the darker blue ocean with curls and whips of white foam and the circling and soaring hawks training their young one how to fly and I am going to choose. I am going to choose with perspective and a sense that this world is so much more beautiful and big and awe inspiring that this little piece of flotsam that is floating in front of my face that feels so important to somebody will indeed be respected and honored and will ultimately mean very little to me at the end of the day. What will mean something to me is the blue and the soaring.

When those little pieces of flotsam come by, as they always will, I pray to be as uncaring about them in the future as I am feeling right now. This flotsam gets far too much attention in my life and in the lives of those that I love. I notice that I spend a lot of my emotional energy on “dealing with the flotsam of feelings of others, what are they going to think? How can I make her happy? How can I satisfy him? How can I solve this little problem and make everyone like me better or give me my due?” I spend far too much time in these questions and all the debris that surrounds them. I know that I am called to spending all the time I waste on these questions looking into the universe and simply asking of it “what is needed now?” What should I spend this precious resource that I am on? What do you REALLY want me to be pointing my magnificently brightened consciousness towards, and if my consciousness isn’t for some reason “magnificently brightened” I will buff it up and point it in the direction that you – I – we want to point it and not in the direction of this little piece of flotsam that is screaming at me “you must pay attention to me because I am the most important thing in this universe, me me me me me me me me me”

I don’t know about you but I feel a heck of a lot better just letting that one go and taking a nice big breath and looking out the window and watching those hawks soar around in their big circles while the waves continue to roll onto the beach. Have a great day watching the flotsam roll by and spending your energy on what the universe really wants you to spend it on.

2 responses to “Flotsam

  1. Thanks for this – it really resonates with me. Yesterday, I had an email from one of my longstanding organisational clients. I had overlooked something in a piece of work I did for them and my mistake had led to some problems for the client. They were understandly annoyed. What was interesting for me is how differently I responded. Even a year ago, I would have felt completely mortified, shamed, upset, and would have obsessed about the mistake, how the client felt about me, what a crap consultant and person I am. etc. etc etc. Instead of using all my energy on this internal drama/dialogue, I reviewed the piece of work, identified what I had overlooked, got back to the client, explained that yes, it was my oversight and this is what I am now going to do to fix it. And then I just got on with my work and life. By letting go of all that other yucky energy, it allowed me to respond from a much better place. And it has given me an opportunity to reflect on my working life and where I want to be focussing my energy and time. i.e. because my heart and passion are lying elsewhere, sometimes I am not focussed on this consultancy work in a way that always is bringing the best results for clients. Which is a good thing!

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