I didn’t want to do it that way this time and so, as I learned here in the blog, I wrote and then, unlike the blog, I rewrote and crumpled and rewrote and crumpled. I was looking for that place of compassion in me and that place of boundaries as well. That place that understood both our pain and anger and that place that would no longer tolerate abuse. I needed to find my love and my firmness and lose all of the reactive and passive aggressive shtuff from my hurt and vengeful heart. And yet I needed to trust that heart and look at protecting it in the future to the best of my ability.
I hit the send button on that email a few minutes ago and I have to say the sense of relief and celebration is tremendous. I am taking this moment to sit higher and straighter in my chair and feel a bit good about mySelf. I did it, I didn’t let my emotions rule and I didn’t ignore them either. I spoke from a compassionate and loving place and I drew the boundaries I needed to draw. Most importantly I could find no whiffs of co-dependence or passive aggressive stuff in what I wrote. Ahh this moment feels good. I can’t promise that there won’t still be reactivity over there and I can’t pretend that this means the conversation or even the argument is over. A lot of that depends on my loved one and what process they go through. I do know that I feel both clean and responsible and that is good.I promised a catch up report on the Retreat 3 of the Chickadees tribe. I must say that I LOVE R3 and the Chickadees. The work we do in R3 is sacred work and really separates the Leadership work we do in the world from what everyone else is doing. It is so exciting to open up a language and understanding of the space itself. To look into the invisible and intangible and to see and feel stuff there is awe inspiring. To be with the struggle of the minds as all that they are used to grabbing on to in order to comprehend falls away and new language emerges and new metaphors arise and new senses are opened or old senses are re-tasked. It’s here that the world suddenly and irrevocably gets enlarged and our ability to perceive, feel into and notice our impact on the space happens. Once we can live in that larger “space” we can begin to look at how, as leaders, we can take responsibility for it. Cooool.
When I was standing up at Black Lodge and declaring my dedication in completion I said “I am dedicated to brightening the consciousness of humankind and fostering leaders who can move us into the next era of higher consciousness.” I saw at R3 that I am doing that, there is much more to do of course, and it is unfolding. I also became aware that a lot more people need to come through this program. So if you haven’t done the CTI Leadership Program and you are reading this blog, all I can say pass Go and collect your 200 dollars and get yourself in the program ASAP. If you are reading this and you have completed the Leadership Program, first YAY, second If your butts aren’t out there making your quests and projects happening in the world, consider them kicked. Third get everyone you know to start thinking about this program and get everyone who you know “should” be in this program, because they’re leaders already and have lost their way or they need some additional skills and pointing, IN.
Can you feel it speeding up a bit? This universe and time itself? We need to get people in places all over the world who can dance and lead as the speed and the complexity increases. We need to get leaders who can deal with paradoxes and polarities with out picking sides and move life along in life affirming ways.