Simple Choice

There is always a choice.
Which one? Who will I be?

I am struck this morning by how simple it is to make choices. It isn’t always easy, but the simplicity is profound. Swim – don’t swim, be miserable – have a blast, take responsibility – be a victim, have fun doing what all parts of me clearly want to do – resist and rebel against all parts of mySelf and try to sleep in, react to Karen – create from her. So many moments where there is just a simple choice and so often I blow all sorts of smoky complexity at it and struggle and suffer over it and extend the moment of the choice, until the extension and delay becomes the choice. Apathy and confusion wins by default, yuck.

And yet right here a blink down and to the left is this simple choice. In this next heart beat, this next breath is a life affirming, consciousness growing choice that is that simple to make. It is absurdly strange and funny how often I make choices that are really ‘non-choices’ and more apathetic slides into whatever is next. This place of unconsciousness is becoming embarrassing to that one in my circle who is ready to blink down and to the left. That spiritual one in me who is always loving and patient is in there smiling and nodding and saying “Good boy, about time.” I know that there are all sorts of REASONS and BELIEFS and CRAP still cluttering up the dark corners of my basement and my work is to get in there with flashlight and broom and keep lighting up and cleaning up that crap. The more I clear out that crap the easier the simple choices will be. And it’s really good to know that those simple choices are always there in every single moment. I can ALWAYS just choose the path that is more life affirming and consciousness deepening, BAM, like that.

This morning I had the clock set for 5:30am so I could get up and do my morning practices, beginning with my swim. I woke up at 4:45, rolled over and ‘tried’ to go back to my dreams and had moderate success. But my body was really eager to get up and go swimming. So after a toss and a turn or two I opened my eyes and peeked at the clock and it said 5:25, Karen was lightly snoring on the other side of the bed and with a slight smile I leaned over and turned off the alarm before it rang. I slipped on my clothes, picked up my swim bag, and got in the car only to find a cold and light rain falling. I said “WTF its only more water”, put on the book that I am listening to and headed into town to the pool. I got to the pool, just as it was opening and was the second person in the water and just stroked out easily into my lane and had this wonderful rhythm going when I made my turn I found someone else in my lane and following me, had no idea she was there. I calmly asked for what I wanted, because I do the breast stroke and have a wide sweep of my arms it is more difficult for me to swim close to the wall of the pool, so I asked if I could have the inside of the lane and she smiled and said no problem. I finished off my 40 laps or so and got out of the pool, could have stayed in for another five minutes according to the original ‘plan’, dressed, got back in the car and listened to my book and made my way back home. As I drove and listened a part of my mind was being amazed by all the choices I made already this morning and how at so many junctures I could have acted from a reaction or resistance or just let myself slide into an apathetic non-response, and I didn’t. I still am making those choices right now with this writing. Every key stroke and every word that I am writing here is a choice to move on and at any point, just over there a degree or two is another path or a smoky hazy place that I could just as easily slip into. So much of this work I am doing is to clearly, cleanly and simply make those choices that move me forward into my dream of life, open my consciousness deeper and are leading me down the road of purpose driven dedication to awakening and evolving human consciousness. It’s just a choice.

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