Well I swam, did some chores, showered and had breakfast, put some music on and now I have been sitting here in contemplation as to what to write this morning. I notice that this morning is one of those mornings that comes along every so often when I don’t have anything scheduled until after 12:30 or 1 and then I have a few calls and a drive into pick up Karen for dinner. So what do I do with my morning, after I finish writing here in my blog? Do I put it to good and effective use by polishing off my emails and checking up on a few work things that I could do? Do I noodle around on the internet and play some games? Do I start one of the projects that has been waiting for me to start it? Do I finish one of the projects that has been waiting for me to finish it? Do I look into my stack of books that is waiting for me to dig into it and make it a shorter stack by reading one or two of them? Or do I spend an hour or so wondering what I should do until my appointed call comes? Because if I do that last one something always comes up that is some combination of one or two of the above possibilities.
You might be able to tell that I am feeling a little listless and unmoored this morning. All my holes are patched and I am definitely sea worthy yet I am not well captained this morning. I am not seeing clearly my direction for this day. So many possibilities. So many life affirming or relaxing options in front of me on how to spend this next couple of hours. I really feel kinda lucky that I have times like these when I have so many choices and feel a little lost as to which path to follow. So many beings on this planet have many fewer choices for a morning. So many beings feel like they have or actually don’t have any choice at all. They are truly stuck in the life in front of them and have no option except the one they are doing, and that actually isn’t optional it is all there is. I am extraordinarily fortunate to be sitting here at this beautiful computer looking out at this beautiful view with a heart full of love and a life of possibilities, choices and options laid out in front of me. Part of the unconsciousness I am sometimes under the influence of, is what an amazing life I have and that this life full of possibilities and choices is not the life that most of the people on this planet are in the midst of living.
My guess is that if you are reading this you too are a lucky son of a gun. You actually have time in your day to sit down for a few minutes and read these ramblings that I am lucky enough to have the time to write. You and I could be working double shifts somewhere and then meeting the rest of our family out in the station wagon that we call home trying to get some food in everybody. We could be coming in for a lunch of some rice or something after putting in 8 hours in some field somewhere and then going out for another 8 after lunch. We could be living in a cardboard box on the edge of some megalopolis trying to scrape by doing any odd job we could find. We could be hopelessly addicted to some substance or another and living our lives from pill to pill or toke to toke or drink to drink. We could be in the middle of some war torn country that had been in some conflict or another for the length of our lives and the lives of our parents and grandparents as far back as our collective memory goes. So I guess we are pretty lucky you and I.
The really disturbing thing is that knowing I am lucky with all of the possibilities and choices in front of me doesn’t make it any easier to make a choice or choose a path. I know that ultimately all I am going to do is choose and act, something or someone will move and a path will have been chosen and velocity will increase as I move down that path until the phone rings and I am moving down another. It doesn’t make this moment right before the choice any easier. I know that no-one told me it was going to be easier I just sometimes want it to be just a tad easier to see all the options, the exciting and the not so exciting possibilities there in front of me and have it be just a bit clearer as to point and say “that one”, instead of sitting here wondering “which one?”.
You know I think the best option for me is to meditate first and then to choose the thing that is brightest after the meditation.
Wish me luck, not that I need it.