I am going to post this video that Karen sent to me and is making the rounds and I gotta say that I LOVE IT. It reminds me of so many things that we lose as we get domesticated. One of those lost things is that fierce innocence that I think shows up in this very short video.
Take a look.
One of the things that this video reminded me of is the integration that has occurred in me. I do like all of me now and I feel at home in all parts of me. Oh sure there is lots of room for development, growth and even shrinkage in some areas, and the bottom line is I like me.
…..And, as my friend Doug Hankin pointed out (It’s so interesting that you picked up on that Doug, because Karen and I had an incredible conversation about the very thing over the weekend) in this comment that he made on an earlier post –
I remember your first blog post and you talking about your weight, and body size and taking better care of your body, moving more and eating less – something about no longer tolerating the relationship you had with your body. When you changed the name of your blog it seemed like the focus changed from your body, and more to other really insightful cool things – which you are very, very good at. There was something in there about accountability too I think.
This recent post reminded me of your original post – purposing a large part of the intention for your blog – do you still have that original post?
As someone who struggles with my own body size and relationship with food I was very interested and excited about your blog and was inspired by your bravery, and authenticity. I’ve felt over the past year and a half that I couldn’t ask you how much weight you have lost/gained… and in a sense I feel like am colluding with you in some way by not asking. I don’t know if that was set up by me, or by you – or a combination of a whole bunch of things. What I do know is that part of the original beginnings of this blog did have something to do with accountability, your body size and your relationship with your body. A submission on weight gain/loss would make you more authentic and real to me – and would highlight what might be working and what might not be working.
Two Questions for you Henry:
Looking back on the topic of your body size, weight, movement and eating portions (1/3 2/3), and accountability since beginning your blog, what are you pleased with, and what do you want to work more on? What has this particular part of your journey been like?
What was your weight when you began the blog and what is your weight now?
Looking forward to the dialogue and perspectives that come out of these questions.
Thanks Doug this is indeed true accountability and I appreciate it. I would like to look at the bigger picture first as to what has been happening with me regarding my original intention and the practices that emerged from it. As stated in my earlier post “Rubber Meets the Road and Recovering to Stake” I notice myself skimming the surface of some of the practices and intentions that I set down for mySelf in the beginning of this blog. I have been moving on in terms of expansion of my consciousness and have traveled into all sorts of interesting territories and have loved that part of the journey and all the while skimming over much of the original intent of my program for mySelf. While I have been doing a lot of great work at cleaning out my basement and finding new places to explore a limiting belief started working me from underneath that sounded something like this;
“Well now you’ve done an excellent job of integration and learned these wonderful new practices and congratulations you now know and love yourself and your body and know what to do to keep loving it, isn’t it time now to move on to other things?”
Notice how acknowledging this voice is and at the same time it does something remarkably insidious, it turns practice into performance. I must have written dozens of posts about the importance of practices and that life is actually about the practice of things not the destination. And yet so many things in my life that require practice I have put down after the first ‘success’. The countless musical instruments and foreign languages that I got to a performance platform of beginner with and then moved on, a lot of it because of this soothing and encouraging voice that congratulates me and then convinces me that I would rather DO something new then PRACTICE and PRACTICE this thing. So I did. So my mind completely grasps the truth of the power of practice and yet I am very much caught up in performance, meaning that once this practice is performed adequately I am done, no matter how much I know that this is complete and utter bullshit.
The other belief that works its way in is the cousin of this first one. This one is the one that is watching out for if I catch myself wanting to return to the PRACTICE of something that warns me off with all sorts of praise and reminding that I have already learned this and that I would be bored going down that road. These Performance cousins are absolutely committed to immediate gratification and completion of something rather then the satisfaction of a journey well attended to just for the sake of the journey with no real attention towards the destination.
With my original intention of Moderation 1/3 2/3s it was my intention to have a consciousness practice where I ate 1/3 of my ‘normal’ sized meals and ate them slowly and consciously and that I did 2 to 3 times as much of my ‘normal’ exercise every time I moved. So instead of just going up the stairs I would go up and down 2-3 times, instead of parking as close to the store as possible I would park as far away as possible and walk the lot. This very simple practice opened up amazing doors to my consciousness in so many ways and brought in some wonderful new practices and realizations about food and exercise and more importantly about my body and my relationship. We, my body and the rest of me, created a very powerful and loving connection that has transformed much of the way I regard mySelf and my world. As all of this emerged the original practices started to disappear and or be absorbed into other practices and then disappear. And what has shown up is a skimming over the surface of consciousness in areas where I used to be solidly on the ground.
So, Doug, going back to your questions. The first question I think I have answered above and there is much more to talk and contemplate about. The actions for me to take are:
• Return to my 1/3 2/3s practices of Moderation & Restraint.
• Stalk the limiting beliefs that are pulling me into performance.
• Keep opening up my consciousness in all of my minds.
I committed to mySelf in my original post and still hold that commitment that I am never going to measure results around my body again. I am not basing any of this on losing weight or gaining weight. I am not going to base the way my body looks or feels on the way others think it should look or feel I am going to listen to and love my body and be as conscious as possible to the wants, needs and aspirations of my body and all parts of mySelf as we continue on this amazing journey.
Like that amazing little girl said “I LIKE ………”