I miss you. I woke up dizzy with missing you and stumbled from bed to shower, and then from shower to dress, stumbling still to put a load in the washer, then on to make my tea. As my tea went through its machinations I took a couple of disoriented steps over to the dishwasher and started to load it with dishes that had piled up since you left a couple of days ago, and the final straw was when I dropped a dish on my toes, I got an owey and no one there to kiss it better. I decided I was done stumbling around “trying” to get my bearings and took my mug of tea out on to the deck on this glorious morning and sat and watched the waves roll in as I sipped my tea. It was a good move, and I still miss you.
I think part of the dizziness is that I rolled out of bed before I was really awake. It was one of those mornings where things kept starting before the thing before it was done. It was like Turtle abandoned me completely. Something in me kept wanting to be in the next place instead of where I was. So all of my “ways” of doing things were slightly out of order and some were rushed and others skipped. As I am sitting here cogitating on the whole thing in retrospect I am aware of the powers of emergence and homeostasis, usually in such a great balance in moments like that, were out of balance and warring with each other a bit. When they are balanced Emergence is pulling me into my day saying “Come on Henry there are places to go, people to see, universes to fill up with your light and aliveness.”
Homeostasis is saying at the same time “Stand up and feel your feet under you, take in a breath of air and fill your lungs, walk with comfort and strength to the shower and turn it on then follow your routine for getting clean.”
Then while I am in the shower Emergence says “There are people you have to call and emails you need to send and books you need to read as you step out into this exciting new universe, not to mention the laundry, dishes, exercise and shopping you need to get to today, You are the greatest, lets get going.”
Homeostasis says “Shampoo first, then rinse, then soap up…”
Emergence interrupts with ideas of what’s next so that instead of soaping I start to floss, then brush, and as an after thought I stumble over to soap up. It’s a bit like being a puppet with these two powerful universal forces, both positive and wanting the best for me, are pulling me in different directions. I know that this is always happening in every moment and I know that more often then not I am sitting in my I Am and choosing what I am paying attention to when. Then there are times when that I Am chair is vacant and I am the rope in a tug of war between these two. No wonder I was a bit dizzy and disoriented this morning.
It’s always good for me to remember that the more I reach for the stars and leap out into the mystery at the same time we need to feel our feet on the ground, smell the air and floss our teeth.