OK, now this is interesting. I got up at 6:30 this morning and got dressed in my sweats and headed out for my walk down the hill in the dark and the wind was blowing and it was cooold out there, much colder then my sweats would protect me from. I knew that I had good fleece top and that I didn’t have any bottoms that would keep me warm enough. I also saw that it was going to be a clear and sunny day and that means it would warm up as the sun came out. So I took my shivering butt in and began my other practices saying that I would walk down to the PO at lunch.
Now this has often been the beginning of the tolling of the bell of disaster for me around exercise. Some excuse as to why I couldn’t get out first thing in the morning with a promise to myself that I would do it later in the day and then with absolute count-on-ability I would forget or those nasty little voices would have completely convinced me that I don’t need to or something else REALLY important would come up and I would not do that promised exercise later in the day. Today however I have told both Karen and Art who is here doing some design work that I am going to walk at lunch. I have said to myself that this is as much an experiment as yesterday was. Yesterday I proved to myself that I could walk that bloody hill and enjoy the view, take my time, and feel completely virtuous. Today I get to prove something else to myself, I get to prove that I can deliver on a promise to myself no matter what time of day or what the circumstances are. I get to prove that there are no rules when taking care of myself, except to do it. I get to prove that I CAN take a walk down the hill at lunch, who knows maybe on Thursday I’ll take a walk before dinner and on Friday I’ll take a night time walk after dinner (although if it stays this cold I might want to pick up some fleece pants first :-)) It may be that this whole being cold this morning thing was a divinely inspired opportunity to break up the “reality” I have created around exercise, walking and even practices. I have so wired myself to think that practices that I put in place to care for myself are “morning practices” and that I just won’t do them at any other time of the day.
Maybe this morning I get to land in another land of possibility that my practices are not something I just have to get through each day. They are not something that I “should” do in the morning or they won’t get done and they are not some new tool that I can scold myself for not using right or in order. Maybe this could be the day that my practices begin to folded into my life rather then shoved in. Maybe this is the day when I can say to my day, right in the middle of it, Stop I am going on a walk or sit down in a meditation, OK, thank you day now where were we. Wow could I be conscious enough to enfold my practices into my day as my day opens up? Nah not yet, but boy I would love to be that conscious in my life. No I know that I still need to hold myself to a certain rigor around my practices or those very vocal gents who are roaming around the universe of Henry will gain all sorts of footholds in the activities that take me away from caring for myself and being conscious. So I am going to get some gear for myself that can have me walk in any weather and still plan to perform my practices in the morning prior to starting my day. However I AM going to ALSO practice adding extra practices into my day at different times and loosening up the hold that the “rules” of practicing has on me and who knows as I expand my consciousness I will be able to have my entire day be a series of practices that are indistinguishable from each other as ways to care for myself and my world.