Today is Monday and for me it is a gorgeous morning, there is a thin layer of fog scooting into, or out of, Tomales Bay and the sun is lighting it up all white and clean with the silvery blue of the water lit up around it and the golden green of Tomales Point seeming to be floating on the fog moving to where ever the fog is moving to. I feel the shift in energy in my life from a wonderful relaxing weekend with Karen where we did, for the most part, non-work related things, like go to the movies and out to get some sushi, like go for a long walk on our country road past the goats, cows and sheep munching away on their rolling hills of grass. Now I am moving into, gearing myself up, transitioning, into an exciting couple of projects that are related to the work I do in life. These projects are cool and I love them, I don’t dread them. The people that I am working with on these projects are talented, creative and a lot of fun to work with. I set my own schedule and I work on what I want, when I want. I am a totally lucky SOB. And Yet…. There is still an odd feeling of tug of war that goes on when days like this Monday show up. I feel the tug of the weekend, or time off, pulling me to keep basking in the ease of mind and flow of slow, the easy relationship with Karen where neither of us is pulled to work, which we both love and which pulls us into a different and somewhat more charged relationship that tends not to be as filled with ease and flow. I also feel the tug of anticipation of the increased heartbeat that goes along with being excited about accomplishing something and moving further along on something else and checking things off my todo list. I feel the thrill of nailing down a design of a new course and the wonder of creating something new with the Summit.
So here I am the rope in this tug of war loving the ease and flow and loving the excitement and possibilities. I know that I will eventually be pulled towards the work today. It feels right and it feels good. I know that as I get pulled into the work I often feel sadness, worry and regret at leaving as much of the weekend behind as I do when I get pulled into the week. Up until now I thought those feelings were important. I thought that they meant that I shouldn’t let go of the weekend and I should cling to it with all my might and pull back on the inevitability of it, resist it and hold on. I mean the rest of the world was living in this pain and regret at having to give it up, why should I? Today though I realize in the writing of this that these are just feelings, and of course I am going to feel them as I transition. These feelings don’t mean I have to do anything, eat anything, or get mad about anything at all. They just are there being feelings, reminding me that I am in a transition and there are feelings about transitions. In fact feeling things is a good sign it means I am alive and conscious. It’s when I numb myself to those feelings in order to move forward that all of those phrases in the first sentence of this blog show up and when I start to give myself life threatening diseases.
So here I am world, on a Monday morning, feeling the feelings of transition, knowing I am moving into a possibility filled work week and out of an easy flowing weekend. Cheers.