Wow it’s January 21st already!!! My friend Nancy sent me a facebook message asking me where I was and what was going on. I looked at the calendar and realized that it had been almost a month since my last posting here on The Bear and The Turtle. I have been doing some posts over on my Spark People blog all about my body and what we are doing together, and I realized that I wasn’t bringing the conversation back here. Sorry about that Monsieurs Bear and Turtle and any one else holed up in there respective caves and shells waiting for word.
I think I’ll change the look of my blog. I live on the beach and I am feeling lighter these days so how about a beach theme for the blog. Enjoy.
The pendulum has been swinging, you know the pendulum, that gigantic arbiter of where attention is focused. It was firmly over in focus on the world, consciousness, evolution, humanity and my connection to all of those things. It was planted over in Life Purpose and being wildly creative in its calling forth of me, mySelf, and I. My blogs were starting to be much more outwardly focused and I was working up ideas for The Co-Active Summit and redesigning core concepts and ideas to move the focus of me and my world to a more transformative focus from a focus of support and motivation. I was cruising in hyperdrive towards the next evolutionary leap of all of mankind following that gigantic pendulum for all I was worth. We, the pendulum and I, were engaged and fighting the good fight.
Then somewhere in the fall the pendulum was feeling gravity pull it back in the other direction. I started to become aware of unexpressed, unlived and unfulfilled values in mySelf. I started to touch back into the original reasons I started this blog, to become more conscious and to integrate my body into mySelf. I started to become aware of the need to shore up my base again and to truly integrate all parts of me into this magnificent being that I am. I saw that I needed to really focus my energies and my consciousness on reducing the size of my body to a size that can move around on this planet with strength and ease. Because of all the work I have been doing with mySelf over the last couple of years I knew that I knew what to do and didn’t need to “go on another diet” or “knuckle down and deprive myself of what I love”, instead I needed to apply what I have learned about my body’s needs and what I have learned about food and health through expanding my consciousness and committing to ways of living on this planet. In addition to these things I needed to find structures of support and ways of getting even more conscious about my body’s processes. I had learned to feel into my body’s needs and now I wanted to find ways to experiment and measure and learn what was working and what wasn’t working to move in the directions that I wanted to move for the rest of my life. I was being pulled by that pendulum back to focusing on mySelf and particularly my body.
I shared some of the structures that I have begun using here in this blog already and I have been blogging, as one of those structures, over on SparkPeople.com. I began to hold this blog as the blog for my “important blog”, “my world facing blog”, as the blog for the pendulum swing to the other side, the “Life Purpose Side”. This decision was, of course, completely unconscious and was made by old beliefs that haven’t yet been cleared out of my basement. (Some work to do there eh?)
Of course as this pendulum has been swinging back towards me I have been doing most of what I started back when the pendulum was at its apogee. I just haven’t been doing it with the same enthusiasm and zest for creativity and passion that I was doing it before. That zest has been moving with the pendulum the other way, towards the excitement around getting physically stronger and watching all the new toys and instruments tell me all kinds of cool new things about how my body works. I have been dealing with all of the emotions that are around wins and disappointments and looking at the beliefs that fuel those emotions.
Meanwhile as the pendulum swings all that I set forth and tuned into is still moving forward and calling me to pay attention to it and as I ride that pendulum I seem to get further and further away from it.
So a couple of days ago I was talking to a friend and realized that in order to walk my talk as an evolving being I need to be able to live in the paradox more. I need to open mySelf to the complexities even more and I need to resolve these polarities and make them unified instead of swinging between them. I need to be the Bear AND the Turtle. I need to stoke the fires of Diamond Bear and find the passion of standing on the top of the mountain and leap into the mystery. At the exact same moment I need to gaze slowly and deeply into this Turtle shell of me and find the passion to make it whole. They both need to be danced together, I no longer get to ride the pendulum between them, I can’t afford to let my passion or focus dim in either direction and keep it moving potently and powerfully moving out in both directions – Expand.