Anger and Gratitude

Kinda like thisMan was I angry yesterday. The anger just filled me up and was running around wildly within me. It was filling up all parts of me. My little boy self was throwing a tantrum, my teenaged self was feeling pissy and resisant, my young man self was feeling righteous and indignant, my middle aged self was feeling frustrated and impotent, and my old man self was feeling bitter and resigned along with a healthy dose of hide the head in the sand syndrome.

At the same time as this anger was swirling around in all parts of me there was a part of me that was asking why? “Why am I angry, who is the object of my anger?” My reasonable self was trying to understand and couldn’t which only seemed to fuel all the anger even more. At one point I was pacing around downstairs, literally pulling at the hair on my temples and beard and talking to myself and trying to comprehend what this anger was about. This all consuming anger seemed to be pointed at God or the Universe and all the other manifestations that she/he/it takes for all of my selves. A part of me was really clear that I wasn’t mad at any one person or even event I was furious with God. As I am writing this even now I can really empathize with all those blokes in the old testament who shook their fists at God and probably in many other spiritual texts where we humans got pretty pissed off at that Great Mystery. We sure do love it when it all is unfolding according to our plans. But when it all seems to turn upside down we can sure take it mighty personally.

My small self is really clear that as we take this very uncomfortable and chaotic evolutionary leap of consciousness that it will be ugly and messy for everyone on the planet except me. According to my ego I have done all my own work and will somehow sail above all this mess and lightly land on the other side. All I have to do is powerfully point my consciousness and presto chango “evolution happens”. I can watch all that mess on the news as it unfolds with all those other people who didn’t quite get it right in time. I can just keep doing my work and know and feel it is right and I am righteous and float above it all untouched by what is happening.


My Self, my I Am, my sacred self, my soul, that part of me that is the universe and is connected to all that is, knows. I know deep inside mySelf that there is this deep yearning to know and feel it all in this life that I am living. Inside mySelf I am deeply patient and humble and filled with appreciation and gratefulness at the unfolding dream of life that is happening both inside of me and in the world that I can see and feel all around me. This Self knows that this circle that makes up all parts of Henry will go through all these cycles of life and transformation and that they are in fact speeding up and that they will indeed seem overwhelming and too much to bear sometimes, they will make him shake his fists at God and call it all unfair. There will be times when he thinks it’s all just too much and he’ll want to hide. There will be times when he is jubilant and excited as he feels life being powerfully affirmed and transformation popping in front of his eyes and knowing that he is there actively stewarding it along. There will be times of grief and fear for his own life and the lives of those that he loves as life prepares to move on to the next paradigm.

In all of that I am opening mySelf up to as wide and deep an ocean of consciousness that I can. That ocean will include all that is within me and ever more that appears not to be. I will continue to have lots of room for the complex human being that I am as I look to release the light of my spirit out into the universe. I will continue to consciously create a dream of life unfolding in this universe and that what needs healing is healed and what needs to fall away falls away. I also will continue to be surprised by life and the unfolding mystery, sometimes that surprise will create horrible feelings in me like the feeling created when my beautiful sister got sick and my friends in Japan were rocked, drowned and radiated, and sometimes that surprise will create exstatic feelings like when the Summit light filled the world, my sister got better and I heard from all my friends in Japan that they were ok.

Breathe out and Breathe in. Feel my heartbeat and feel the tear dropping from my right eye as I feel into the love and gratitude I feel for all of life.Kinda like this.

6 responses to “Anger and Gratitude

  1. Hey Henry

    As a point 9 – Peacemaker – on the Enneagram, I can really relate as point 9 (despite the nice peacemaker moniker) is one of the 3 anger points on the Enneagram (and I am an 8 wing – another anger point).

    When you look around the world, and the mess America is in, and the ridiculous inequality and income disparity between the haves (1 %) and have nots (mainly everyone else, it is an invitation to righteous anger. Viva the Revolution! Only problem is, every revolution also has within it the seeds or it’s own tyranny or oppressive bureaucracy.

    So what’s a sane person to do?

  2. #x*#!? technology! Didn’t mean to send that yet.

    So what’s a sane person to do?

    I think gratitude is a pretty good starting point. And comunuty – CTI is a great place to start but there is light everywhere these days.

    I am grateful that you and Karen are our fearless leaders. By the way, take a look at my facebook wall today and see the video of the man with no arms or legs if you want to get over your anger quickly.

    Be well
    Steve Charrier

  3. I also get soooo angry sometimes. Angry at everything that’s not going the way I think it “should” go — i.e. the awful events taking place in Japan, Libya, Bahrain, the US with its own twisted politics, etc, etc, etc — when will the misery finally stop? And I get sad. Profoundly, profoundly sad that with all of this beauty that the humanity has, there are still so many of us that take to arms and guns to “claim it as our own” instead of protecting it with other kinds of actions for everyone.

    But then I realize that my anger and my sadness showcases that I am attached — attached to how the events of our evolution should proceed. And when I am attached, nothing goes as planned. 🙂 Surprise, surprise. I learned it at the Summit, when I decided NOT to be attached to ANYTHING at all — and I watched amazing things happen to me and around me. Beautiful evidence of non-attachment.

    But then I look at the things that I am attached to — the beauty around me. And I feel soooooo grateful to be here and to share in it, that anger and sadness go away. I know it’s a cliche, but, seriously, gratitude works!

    I read two very amazing books in the last month, both by Bruce Lipton, a cellular biologist, and a PhD in biology. “Spontaneous Evolution” and “Biology of Belief” are highly recommended — and they both speak to the fact that we need to leave behind the old paradigms of Newtonian physics and Darwinian theory and recognize that their view of the world doesn’t work anymore. It’s not survival of the fittest — it’s the I-and-you survival, it’s not the struggle in the jungle — it’s working together. Much like the trillions of cells work together to make a perfect human being, all human beings can work together to create a perfect world.

    (we sat together at Kevin Cashman’s presentation… I am the one from Russia)

  4. Thanks Henry for sharing your humanity in all it colors and shades! I certainly understand that unrealistic place of unforgiving myself when I get lost in fear – when the challenges seem to outnumber the good things in life. Yes, it is appears as the wrong window to view, but what if it was just one of the many windows of our humanity; what if it is one of the many windows from which to observe the opportunities to grow.

    The CTI coaching model is one that serves the individual, community and the world. Leaders leading from the inside out to train other to lead themselves. tive, loving, graceful, powerful and innovative solutions. A model that trains in self-management to more productive thinking quicker rather than lingering.

  5. Henry, FYI, I was in your “In the Bones” class at CTI almost 1 1/2 years ago.
    Thank you for sharing. Your contribution (the co-active model to mention one) to our progress as humans is greatly appreciated. THANK YOU FOR BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF.
    The world situation, our governments’ ineptitude, the natural disasters, the nuclear crises in Japan, the horrible conditions in a good part of Africa, add infintum can really get to us, no matter how much “inner work” we have done. In fact, I believe the more we develop, the more sensitive we become to the experience of others as we all journey together down the road of life. For my own part, I am thankful for my connection to the madness as well as my connection to the fruits of the Spirit that nurture my soul. I, as Jackson Brown said, “Am waiting here for every man”. Until all of my Brothers and Sisters can live in the “promised land” of inner transformation, I chose to coach, teach, and do my Sadhana (Spiritual Practices). This is one reason I am so thankful for the gift of the Co-active model. For me, co-active coaching is a “sacred living art” and is both a positive pathway for service and self development. My mission is to promote conscious, respectful relationship. Want to join my cause? Namaste, Ron Capocelli, CPCC

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