In my meditation this morning first the phrase “I love everything” popped into my mind and it was followed closely on the heals of that youtube video of the little girl in front of the mirror passionately affirming all that she liked about herself and her life. I then went onto youtube and looked at the video, thinking that I would put it here in the blog for those of you who might not have seen it. I watched it again and smiled with the enthusiasm, spirit, confidence and embodiment of this little girl. I saw that almost 10 million people had viewed this video and then youtube referred me to related videos that were trying to be humorous takeoffs on this video that were filled with anger, cynicism, sarcasm, bitterness, hopelessness and lonliness.
It was an interesting peek into what our world can do to us. It happened to me in just this last hour since my meditation. I came out of the meditation loving the world and loving myself, I wanted to write about that love and an inspirational little girl who embodied that love so enthusiastically. With confidence I headed to my computer to begin writing, just like she leaves the bathroom confidently leaping into all that she loves. Then I sit down, look up the video, smile and prepare to paste it in and start to write, sure enough some image that is sitting right next to her image there on the youtube page draws my attention. Thinking that it is more affirmations of how great life is I find a video of a teenaged girl in a curly wig like the curly hair of the little girl hating her life, and then another video of the decline and fall of a curly haired little girl into a pill popping old lady.
My heart, now broken and depressed, doesn’t know what to write, I know I don’t want to post the video again because I don’t want to subject my friends and readers to the heartbreaking and cynical way that we humans can tear apart something that is good.
It reminds me of an relationship I had back in my 20’s. My girlfriend, at the time, and I were holding hands walking down the sidewalk, loving each other and laughing, our lives felt full of joy and we were almost skipping, we reached the intersection and had to wait for the light to change and as we crossed the wide street I could feel the mood change in my girlfriend. When we got to the other side of the street she had let go of my hand and her head was bowed with a look of anguish on her face. I leaned over confused and asked her what was wrong and she looked up at me and said “I knew it couldn’t last, that the other shoe would drop”. In the space of crossing the street she had managed to change the way the world was. Depressed and with a broken heart we continued our journey up the next block and let this new way the world was govern us for quite awhile.
While I know that we have to experience the full range of what life has to offer, the good and the bad, the highs and the lows, the love and the fear. I wish sometimes I could linger longer in the good, high and love before the bad, low and fear step in to remind me that life is a paradox and that it is all there all the time.
So here I am this morning in the afterglow of love after my meditation all ready to share with the world all the love of everything and in the space of crossing the street I become saddened by what we humans do to goodness, kindness and enthusiasm. I guess when I say “I love everything” I also have to love that dark side of the dance too. I have to love those people who take something pure and make fun of it and bring it down. I have to love my old girlfriend who couldn’t make it across the street filled with joy. I have to love the parts of myself that get cynical, sarcastic and even hateful sometimes and find compassion for how and why we got ourselves in these places. I also have to keep working on how to linger longer in the good feelings while allowing myself to be open and present to all that is going on in this moment.