Welcome to The Bear and The Turtle!
It is January of 2010.
This blog started out as a commitment to mySelf to end the the toleration of my abusive relationship with my body and to transform both that relationship and my body. The blog’s original title, in December of 2008, was “Moderation ⅓ – ⅔” to show the nature of my program to create that transformation. While transformation did indeed occur during the year of writing this blog so much more was revealed to me as I wrote. I began to explore my consciousness in all areas of my life and opened up all kinds of realizations and replaced old habits and beliefs. I completed a loving integration of my body with the rest of me and can no longer hold a previously held separation between these parts of mySelf. In this journey I have learned to love mySelf and honor my journey. I have learned that there is a path for my ongoing development of mySelf and a deepening of my consciousness. I have sometimes stayed true to that path and sometimes strayed from it, however I am not confused at all about it any longer. I am aware of it being my path and have a clear intention and commitment to continue walking it. I began this blog from a place of wondering about my path and deciding what it would be to a place of certainty about it and keeping mySelf on it or noticing when I stray.
I intend for this blog to be both a way of keeping mySelf as true as possible to the path I have declared for mySelf and deepening my consciousness about the journey both on the path and when I wander off it for whatever reason. In the last few months of 2009 I strayed from the path and I will write about that in my first post of 2010 and then I will use this blog as a way to hold mySelf accountable to what I know I need to do and who I need to be to stay on the path.
The Bear is my nature, my medicine name is Diamond Bear. I am a bear in so many ways. I am a big and strong man with both powerful masculine and feminine in me. I am a fierce protector of what I have created and of the aliveness, creativity and consciousness of all humans. I have bear-like tendencies in my need to be both powerful and introspective, as well as my occasional grouchyness in the morning. In the medicine way that I am studying the diamond represents the consciousness and I have a dedication as the Diamond Bear that I am to point to the deepening and evolution of that consciousness with every breath I take and every word I speak or write.
The Turtle is what I am learning. The turtle carries everything he needs and is the master of patience, breathing and moving slowly and persistently to where he is headed. The turtle is the medicine of elderhood for me and where I see mySelf moving on the path. Nothing seems to phase Turtle or put him into any kind of spin or hurry. He knows with a wisdom and a certainty that all will work out exactly as it should. He deeply understands words like moderation, restraint, patience, and gratification is in the delaying not in the gratification.
So I am calling on the wisdom of both of these excellent guides as I move down this path. You are welcome to join me on this journey if you like.
This was what I wrote as my Welcome page back in December of 2008. It is still a powerful statement of declaration and helped to put me on the path I am currently on in my life. I am grateful to the man I was then and have resolved much of what he talks about and have much more to resolve.
This site will be the witness to my transformation. This transformation will be entirely generated by me. There will be no other programs or diets or exercise solutions that will have any room here. This site is not meant to be in any way advice for anyone who might be interested in similar goals. This site is a way for me to hold myself, publicly, to account for what I say I am going to do.
I am a 55 year old man who is doing great things in the world and I am tolerating a relationship with my body that doesn’t support where I am or where I am headed in life. I have been developing myself mentally, emotionally, spiritually and creatively for those 55 years and I have been de-valuing myself and at times even hating myself physically. It is time now to end that cycle
I was born big and grew up as a “husky” boy, I couldn’t wear jeans because they didn’t come in husky sizes, so I wore khaki’s. I was put on my first diet at age 9 and I have been on many many diets since. I have done WeightWatchers twice, Diet Center, Jenny Craig, Vegan, Atkins, Low Glycemic, South Beach, the Zone, and a bunch of crazy fad quickie diets that I can’t even remember. I lost many pounds with these diets combined with exercise. Eventually the pounds would creep back on plus an additional load would get deposited, so that ultimately I would end up much heavier then when I began the diet. I would then live in despair and hopelessness until I got frustrated enough that I would start it all over again with another program.
I became an “expert” on food and diet. I had so much information and “facts” floating around in my brain that I no longer recognized what was true for my body, I thought. However I recently realized that I had been deceiving myself on that score. In all my dieting I had learned what was good for me to eat and what I should stay away from, not in a caloric sense but in a sense that my body responds poorly to those foods. I just had also learned to ignore those messages and believe the “facts” I was currently committed to. I know that I need to stay away from wheat, sugar and coffee and that there are certain supplements that are good for me to take, omega 3s, multi vitamin and minerals and occasionally “cleanse” myself with others. Most of all I know that I need to eat three spaced out meals a day and to be conscious of what I eat, while I eat it and to practice moderation.
Practicing moderation is, I believe, the transformational key to permanently shifting my lifestyle. I need to be completely consciously aware and awake when I eat and EAT LESS at each meal.
The first thing that I am going to track in this blog is “1/3”. I am going to eat 1/3 of what I would normally put on my own plate and 1/3 of what an average restaurant would give me. I am going to consume everything my body wants, staying away from what I know isn’t good for me, only I am going to consume only 1/3 of the amount. I am going to use this blog to track my progress.
The next area is exercise. I know that I need to move more then I do. Like many other people in the USA, and beginning to be true elsewhere, I lead a very sedentary life. I am sitting at my computer right now, in fact. I sit in my car, I sit when I am leading my workshops, I sit while watching tv or reading. I am sitting or lying down, I am guessing now, over 90 % of my life. I am not inclined to move much less exercise. Yet I know that if I don’t I am tolerating a relationship with my body that isn’t consistent with who I am meant to be. So I must move.
The second thing I am going to track on this blog is “2/3s”. I am going to move two to three times more for every activity that I do. I am going to part two to three times further away from where I am going then I would normally park. I am going to go up and down the stairs 2 or 3 times when I need to go up or down the stairs and I am going to stay in any activitiy I am doing 2 to 3 times longer then I normally would. I intend to track this here in the blog.
So that is the plan and I will be blogging here at least once a week, when I am traveling and intend to be here daily otherwise.
Here’s to reclaiming my body and giving up toleration.