The 85%

There are 6.8 Billion Human Beings on this planet and 1 billion of them are connected through Facebook. That is almost 15% of the Human Population that has direct access to each other through one click. That is truly astonishing. And it still makes you wonder about the other 5.8 billion. Who are they? Where are they? What are they up to, this 85% of the worlds population? I am pretty sure that when I leave my house and go out into the world I move around in 80-90% of the people I see know what facebook is and most, if not all, of those folks are hooked in through facebook. That means I am moving around in a world that 85% of humanity is not moving around in. When I travel to other countries I am still moving around in that same world, the percentages may change somewhat but not much.

Part of my life purpose statement is “to point and protect the evolution of human consciousness.” That statement is a powerful, from some perspectives even arrogant, thing to claim as a reason for being alive. And yet the consciousness that I am pointing and protecting currently lives in the minds and bodies of that 15% that I see and connect with on Facebook. Evolution of consciousness is happening, I assert, with all of life including 100% of humanity. So of course at the level of universal love and connection I am pointing and protecting human consciousness just fine, thankyou very much. And yet at another level there is this vast pool of consciousness that is not in my awareness as I move around my life. It exists in stories, music, pictures and news accounts for me. It exists in my imagination and in my visioning. It exists in the earth itself if and when I slow down enough to feel into it.

There is no way that this body can put itself in front of the other 85%, there is no book I can write, no movie I can make, no celebrity I can achieve in any kind of venue that could create that kind of visibility. So in order to feel into that other 85% I am going to have to do it through a spiritual connection to all of life. I am going to have to keep opening up my consciousness to the EcoSoma the energy body of the earth to feel the pain and the joy, the fear and the exhilaration, the grief and the love, and the closed and open consciousness of my fellow human beings. I am going to breathe in from every receptor in my soma what is happening with the consciousness of my fellow humans and breathe out encouragement and gratitude and prayers of finding the way down this path and into the mystery of what lies beyond. I can do that.

The Surf and the Undertow

Karen’s gone off to Mexico for 11 days to do her final ceremony with the Black Lodge teachings. I am home alone with my new friend Cosmo(s) and cold toes. I am sitting down in our guest bedroom that has been turned into a makeshift office as we go through a small remodel of our shared office upstairs. My toes are a little cold, because I forgot to put my slippers on this morning before coming down here and I don’t want to get up and get them because Cosmo is all curled up and settled down behind my chair and I know if I get up he’ll get all excited and think something fun and adventurous is going to happen, he’ll pop up wag his tail look at me expectedly and then follow me up to get my slippers and then as I head down the stairs back to my desk with warm toes he’ll stop at the top of the stairs and cock his head and look at me in such a way that the only way that I’ll be able to interpret it is the “Are you kidding? I thought we were going to do something fun and you were going to play with me and now we are going to go back into that room and you are going to sit in that chair and I am going to be sooooooo bored. I am going to do it because I am crazy about you and I am the best dog in the entire world, but I want to put you on warning I am going to take it out on you in some way in the not too distant future.” look. If you have a dog, especially a puppy then you know that look. So I think I’ll sit here with cold toes.

I promised myself that while Karen was gone I would get down here and write in my blog. I know that it is an excellent way for me to get grounded and to open up my consciousness. It is a practice that helps me tremendously to focus all parts of mySelf and point them in the same direction.

It is also something that my ego and my saboteurs can grab hold of as something that other people will read so “I had better look good, be brilliant, say important things and most of all stay consistent and maintain my integrity.” That same part of me stokes the fires of guilt that burn inside for not being all of those things and while it is putting logs of embarrassment, make wrong and stupid jerk on that fire it is yelling with all of it’s buddies down there in the pits who are stoking other fires all sorts of threats and put downs that waft up with the smoke to my ears and they say things like “If you write this blog again in any sort of regular way and say you’re going to do something and live according to certain principals and you mess up the whole world will laugh at you and never believe you again” and “See no matter what you think you’ll do or say you’ll do you will still always be the same stupid idiot of a jerk you always were and you will end up alone and hating yourself and the world even more then they hate you and are laughing at you.” Those guys are always down there shoveling some shit, sneering and sniffling and ranting. Yeah there down there for me too.

And sometimes they are subtle and almost believable as they soothingly whisper in my ear some distractions and falsehoods that sure sound true, especially the longer I am away from the thing they are whispering about. In this case blogging. I don’t know if this happens to you but it often would show up when I hadn’t gotten back to someone in awhile or sent out a thankyou card for a Christmas present and here it is March already. That voice that is so quietly persuasive that says “oh well just let it go, if you wrote anything now you would really look like an idiot” and in the next breath would say “but you really should send it out because that is what you are supposed to do” and then wait for it …..”If you don’t do it then Mom (or fill in the blank ____) will get mad”.

Then after dillying and dallying in the stupor of that miasma for awhile another voice comes in more clearly and more patiently. This voice is a reminder of who I really am. This voice is like the surf of the ocean just continually repeating on the beach of my soul that I am fine. I am doing and being exactly who I am meant to be and do at this time in my life and that I KNOW what works for me and what doesn’t. I KNOW even when sometimes I forget, or get too busy, or get distracted what I was put into this life for. I KNOW what I need to do to maintain mySelf in an integrated way. I KNOW (imagine the surf hitting the sand with each one of those I KNOW’s). As I listen to that voice I come back into mySelf and I feel the tug of war that shows up like resistance but I KNOW is just the returning of mySelf from whatever autopilot existence it has found itself in and being pulled by the undertow while at the same time landing on the beach of my soul. That push and pull is the tension of being alive in this body at this time in my life. Sometimes I am in the pull of the undertow and sometimes I am in the push of the surf and sometimes I am in the tension of both.

It’s all good and as I breathe in and out and my heart continues to beat the waves hit the beach and then get pulled back out.

So here I am back on the beach for a spell looking up and down and watching Cosmo run and play with all the dogs and people on the beach like he was their best buddy and I am thinking “Maybe it’s time to get back to the blog”

Labor Day

Huh??

This is the day we celebrate workers. We celebrate the workers that we are by not working. The reward for doing a job well done for working my butt off is not working. We work and work and work in order to get “Free Time” where we don’t have to work. Traditionally Labor Day marked the end of summer for kids. The ultimate end to “Free Time” and the return to work in the dreaded institutions of school, where we are taught earlier and earlier, it seems, to put our head down and buckle under and take the test and get A’s and work real hard so that we can get into a good college where we will work even harder so that we can get a good job where we will work even harder, so that we can look forward to not working some day. So that we can dream about not working.

I don’t know about you but this feels all wrong some how. This feels like it was cooked up by some folks who don’t like to work much but like to have lots of money as a way to create a system filled with unhappy people who are always looking for the fleeting moment of happiness that comes with the “free time” of their summer vacations and their occasional 3 day weekends, and people who will do all the work that is necessary to do so that they don’t have to. ….or something like that.

I also notice that those “free time” hours and days seem to get cut back more and more as the system demands more of the same from all of us. Summer vacations get shorter and kids have more homeWORK, so that even the hours of what used to be play after school at home are now filled with work. Adults bring their work home or take a second job so that they can make more money so that they can support their families and have something fun to do in the free time. Because if they don’t work those extra hours and they don’t have fun things to do and stuff to play with, well then they will just have to make due with each other and nobody has learned how to do that in this system. We have gotten so busy with work that we have forgotten how to be in relationship with each other just the way we are.

Now this is not all about hating or disrespecting work. I love to work and I know plenty of people who love to work. I love that feeling of accomplishment after successfully completing a task or a project. I love the feeling after a WORKout at the gym. I even sometimes like the sweat and effort itself. I am not fond at all of the time before work, anticipating it, dreading it, resisting it and “recommitting to it”. I realize that all of those feeling are caused by beliefs that are founded in this system I have grown up in that says “Work is something to get through to accomplish, so that you can enjoy the freedom on the other side.” Well I always wanted that freedom from the very beginning and never have understood why I had to postpone it while I performed some onerous task. And yet the belief still is there that “Work is Bad, but ‘good for you’” and because of that belief I know that I have to work and going in I don’t want to.

Now here we are in a recession with 10% unemployment (what does that mean anyway? That number feels so made up. You go into some towns and it feels like 75% unemployment and you walk into a humming operation and it feels like 0%. You talk to people under 30 and over 50 who are unemployed and you won’t find a lot of hope there.) The talk is now all about Jobs for people. Get them back to work. Let’s not get them back to work because it will make them happy though, lets get them back to work so they can buy stuff. When they buy stuff the economy is happy (Boy when I go to sleep thats what dances in my head, are visions of a happy economy). Something is very wrong here.

I just realized in the hot tub on Saturday with Karen that I am retired. I am retired from this system. I could never understand retirement, because somehow in that old belief system it felt like a time of NO-WORK. It felt like a time of hobbies and golf and mahjong. I could never see myself there. I see myself committed to my purpose and serving it and life until the day I drop. So I have never been able to get my hands around this “permanent free time” that is somehow the reward for a lifetime of work. Bad work is now done, good free time is now here – time to shoot myself or die in some other way. Time to head out to the pasture or the old folks home where I will no longer be a part of the system or the voices that shape the dream of life.

Sorry folks I just can’t see that for mySelf. I am retired NOW. What that means is that I am no longer going to hold work as something a have to do in order to someday be able to retire and live the good life. I am living the good life now and intend to keep living the good life until the day I drop. I am retired NOW and what that means is that I will do the work I want to do when I choose to do it. I will do work that feeds my mind, soul, spirit and body. If I should catch myself doing work that doesn’t feed me then I will stop and make a choice. Either it starts feeding me or I stop doing it. I am going to be both 100% and 0% employed and and Unemployed.

Now how will the economy add in that statistic?

A Caveat. This is also the day we celebrate the Labor Movement. The movement that kept workers from being treated as slaves by the same system that created this bizarre concept of work and consumerism. I want those rights of those workers to be protected and freely bargained for by their representatives. I want whatever is happening now in politics to stop taking away the rights of the people to express themselves and organize in ways that support each other.

What’s Your Piece? What’s My Piece?

jigsaw-2011-05-24-11-07.jpgWhat’s Your Piece of this evolutionary leap we are in the middle of right now? Without it there is a hole in the fabric of life.

What seems like an eon ago Karen and I were in front of a whole bunch of people in Florida and we handed out puzzle pieces and to all 450 or so of them and had them all work together to create a huge jigsaw puzzle that became the backdrop for the whole Summit. Then at the end of the Summit we handed out a second piece from a duplicate puzzle and had each and every one of them look into their lives and into their worlds and look deeply at that promise, that declaration, that dedication that they are to this unfolding story of transformation and evolution that is the Human Journey.

Between the building of the puzzle and the creating of the personal declarations we journeyed through a story that began in the recognition of who we are as human beings and what have we created both in ourselves and in our world. The shadow and the light, the good and the bad, the life affirming and life destroying behaviors that have gotten us to this step, or this leap, of the evolutionary journey that we are all on. Then we began to move up the path and notice who we were walking with and how were we making the journey. We started to get conscious that we were indeed on a journey, we were running down the diving board and getting ready to leap, dive, and fly into this chaotic swirl of mystery that is the unknown. As we prepared for that leap we realized that we needed to open up our consciousness to a larger responsibility for life. We looked into ourselves and each other to see into what we could of that mystery and we formed declarations and intentions. We formed these for ourselves and we did our best to create a collective promise as well. We began to see that we can’t just focus on our own individual survival and fulfillment, we saw that we need to also be able to open up and connect to the greater collective of humanity and indeed all of life and find that shared declaration as well.

As I stood on the stage, in the back of rooms, roamed the beach and the hallways, sat in planning meetings, ran microphones, shared meals, and had many brilliant conversations, I was flying. I was soaring in and out of the mystery and yet my feet were solidly on Mother Earth. I was aware that a transformation was occurring in me as I nibbled on my lettuce and chatted with the person across the table from me. I was conscious of growing my capacity to hold a larger and more complex picture or map of what was occurring around me and within me. I was solid, earth-like, and protective as the bear, I was soaring, air-like, and expansive as the eagle, and I had a little turtle in my pocket to remind me all about taking it slow, letting it in and being patient with the way things were unfolding.

So I arrive, along with everyone else, at the place where we all make our declarations and promises. Where we each name our Piece of this great puzzle of life’s evolution.

So, What’s my piece?

My piece is to live my life on purpose.

My purpose is:

I am spirit awakened.
I fill the universe with limitless light, wonderous love, and enthusiastic life.
I am the way of peace and the cosmic belly laugh of joy and creation.
I wake up humanity to it’s aliveness and creativity.
I point and protect the evolution of human consciousness.

What’s your piece?

Please write it below in the comments field. I say that the more you write and say your piece the more you bring it to the board.

Accountability

I received lots of incredible comments in response to my posting of a couple of days ago “Begin Again”. I am grateful for any comments as they either stimulate me or acknowledge me or both. I need to continue opening my capacity to receive acknowledgment and stimulating feedback. For many years I have been a great teacher in receiving and accepting, encouraging and allowing, and vulnerability and openess. Of course as every great teacher functions, I believe, we are learning as much if not more about what we are teaching as the folks we are teaching. So I continue to learn about these wonderful states and qualities. One of the places I get to do that is here in this blog. So thank you for your comments and feedback, I am receiving them with an open and gracious heart.

My friend Doug replied to me in that same post with some feedback and really called me out on the carpet. He said it is time to change it up and kick myself in the butt. He said that I have been harping on this for a couple of years already and it’s time to put up or shut up. He said this in the tough love of a compassionate coach. From the perspective of being a reader of my blog I can really see how the point of view could develop that I am constantly circling around some of the same things over and over again and not making any progress. I don’t often write of my progress and the milestones I am meeting and successes I am having, especially in the area of my body.

So for those that want to hold me accountable to concrete results here are a few:

Since I started weighing myself (which was after I had already lost 15 or 20 pounds) I have lost 27 pounds. YAY

Shirts and pants in my closet that didn’t close before I can now wear comfortably. YAY

I don’t need a seat belt extender on airplanes anymore.

I do something physical daily, pretty much 🙂
        This includes working out with a trainer once a week when I am home, going to the gym two or three more times a week when I’m home, and being much more physical around the home.

I have reduced my calorie intake in general and track my food and stay responsible for my calorie intake when I am home.

I have and use some wonderful toys that help me understand the science, weights and measurements that go into calories in and calories out. And I am pretty consistent in using them.

I am committed to shopping at Farmers Markets and eating locally the freshest and most healthfully and sustainably grown food that I can find.

I am in an extremely accountable, conscious and committed partnership with my beloved wife on all of the above and we are no longer feeling fragile or careful about the topic of our bodies around each other so that we can freely and without fear support each other.

Most importantly of all I am growing my consciousness and discovering my relationship with and the complete loving integration of my body with all the parts of mySelf.

In the name of accountability I will also report here where I have been failing and where I have a hard time counting on myself. When I travel and leave the structures that are in and around my home life I continue to struggle. Sometimes I have been able to maintain my practices and disciplines and many times I have not.

With that accountability I also want to recreate some context that is crucial for me in this journey. I AM NOT ON A DIET AND EXERCISE PROGRAM. I AM NOT A BIGGEST LOSSER AND I AM NOT IN THIS TO LOSE WEIGHT AND PRODUCE RESULTS. I am in this to completely transform my relationship with my body, to grow my consciousness, to create an integrated co-active relationship with all parts of mySelf and to walk through this lifetime with complete Self Authority. I don’t care if it takes me 10 months or 10 years to find that integrity and open that consciousness. I do care about being conscious in this moment and committed in this moment and learning all that there is to learn in this moment. I enjoy watching my belly get smaller and my clothes get bigger. I will no longer live in deprivation or lack. By being conscious I will also avoid excess and overloading. I will continue to love life, savor my senses, and enjoy eating good food and drinking good wine. I will continue to deeply explore my limiting beliefs and look for ways to replace them with life affirming beliefs.

Most of all I will do my best to live every moment as if it were my last.
        

Begin Again

My oh my. Time is flying by.

I have begun to start laying into an old destructive habit of avoidance and pretending around this blog and most of the other self generated work and practices of my life. I have been in a creative dip that has turned into a hole that has turned into a bottomless pit into which I have been free falling and not even bothering to reach for the sides and grab on so I can begin the crawl back up and out. Well here I am reaching.

Now this is NOT to say I haven’t been a busy boy. This is not to say I haven’t been fully and completely engaged in amazing and awesome work in many parts of this globe with many wonderful and inspiring souls. Since last I wrote here in this column, at the beginning of my free fall, I have been caring for loved family members, leading some pilots of some amazing new work for coaches at CTI, working with an awesome group of Kestrels as they leap off into space and towards their quests, and I have just returned from an inspiring journey to Dubai where I got to work with an incredibly authentic and open group of completely diverse people on opening up their ability to Trust. I have had loving and wonderful encounters with truly beautiful people from all over this earth of ours and have been richly filled up with love and acknowledgments. My beam of attention has been outward focused and my tractor beam has been pulling in all sorts of cherished attention and love.

The challenge has been on my inward focus and all the work I have done up until now on my body, spirit, mind and emotions seems to be sailing away on the sea in a small boat without me on it. My commitments to mySelf and to growing my consciousness while shrinking my body feel hard to find even though I know very well that they are right there in front of me. I am pulled by the old attractions, you might say addictions, to keeping my attention out on others and the world and deflecting it from myself or mySelf.

Even though I know that I am sailing in new waters, sometimes rough and sometimes calm, it feels like I am sailing in these new waters in my same old boat. At the Summit, something changed in me and my relationship to the world. I got bigger somehow. I became somehow able to hold more and to attend to and be responsible for a larger world. I grew up in my ability to receive, let in, absorb love, acknowledgment and energy and not be overwhelmed or frightened by it. All of this led me to realize that I could truly set tasks, quests and outrageous outcomes up for mySelf that had to do with consciousness and humanity and me living into my life purpose more powerfully and completely. I broke through into a new understanding of mySelf and what I am capable of in this lifetime.

While all this was happening and drawing my attention the very things that led me to this powerful place were atrophying and falling away from me. The practices that I had so carefully shaped for mySelf, like meditating, blogging and spending time outside, that I know work to keep growing me and at the same time keep me honest and present to who I am started to be skipped over and ignored and then disappeared all together. The great practices, tools and toys, like tracking food, working out at the gym or swimming, and buying and cooking excellent local foods, that I had put into place to complete the integration of my body and to shrink it to a healthy size became less important to me and I began to pretend that they weren’t important. All these things were an essential part of preparing me for my transformation and breakthrough and then after the breakthrough happened I kick into some old habits that must have been formed in childhood that are all about coiling myself back up into a little ball and sticking my head in the sand until everything returns to a normal and bearable, safe and recognizable space.

Well this is my declaration and rededication to stopping that habit or pattern and keeping mySelf fully extended into this new and transformed space that I have poked into while at the same time continuing to grow and integrate this wonderful Self that I am. I KNOW what I need to practice and I KNOW I will need to practice that no matter what. No matter how big I get, no matter how successful I get, no matter how much acknowledgment I receive, no matter how much love or admiration or inspiration comes my way, no matter how many more levels of breakthrough there might be in front of me. There will never come a time when I can delegate these things to someone else or buy these services or watch others do them and think that I am getting my job done or practicing what I KNOW needs to be practiced by me and me alone.

Anger and Gratitude

Kinda like thisMan was I angry yesterday. The anger just filled me up and was running around wildly within me. It was filling up all parts of me. My little boy self was throwing a tantrum, my teenaged self was feeling pissy and resisant, my young man self was feeling righteous and indignant, my middle aged self was feeling frustrated and impotent, and my old man self was feeling bitter and resigned along with a healthy dose of hide the head in the sand syndrome.

At the same time as this anger was swirling around in all parts of me there was a part of me that was asking why? “Why am I angry, who is the object of my anger?” My reasonable self was trying to understand and couldn’t which only seemed to fuel all the anger even more. At one point I was pacing around downstairs, literally pulling at the hair on my temples and beard and talking to myself and trying to comprehend what this anger was about. This all consuming anger seemed to be pointed at God or the Universe and all the other manifestations that she/he/it takes for all of my selves. A part of me was really clear that I wasn’t mad at any one person or even event I was furious with God. As I am writing this even now I can really empathize with all those blokes in the old testament who shook their fists at God and probably in many other spiritual texts where we humans got pretty pissed off at that Great Mystery. We sure do love it when it all is unfolding according to our plans. But when it all seems to turn upside down we can sure take it mighty personally.

My small self is really clear that as we take this very uncomfortable and chaotic evolutionary leap of consciousness that it will be ugly and messy for everyone on the planet except me. According to my ego I have done all my own work and will somehow sail above all this mess and lightly land on the other side. All I have to do is powerfully point my consciousness and presto chango “evolution happens”. I can watch all that mess on the news as it unfolds with all those other people who didn’t quite get it right in time. I can just keep doing my work and know and feel it is right and I am righteous and float above it all untouched by what is happening.

WRONG!!!!!

My Self, my I Am, my sacred self, my soul, that part of me that is the universe and is connected to all that is, knows. I know deep inside mySelf that there is this deep yearning to know and feel it all in this life that I am living. Inside mySelf I am deeply patient and humble and filled with appreciation and gratefulness at the unfolding dream of life that is happening both inside of me and in the world that I can see and feel all around me. This Self knows that this circle that makes up all parts of Henry will go through all these cycles of life and transformation and that they are in fact speeding up and that they will indeed seem overwhelming and too much to bear sometimes, they will make him shake his fists at God and call it all unfair. There will be times when he thinks it’s all just too much and he’ll want to hide. There will be times when he is jubilant and excited as he feels life being powerfully affirmed and transformation popping in front of his eyes and knowing that he is there actively stewarding it along. There will be times of grief and fear for his own life and the lives of those that he loves as life prepares to move on to the next paradigm.

In all of that I am opening mySelf up to as wide and deep an ocean of consciousness that I can. That ocean will include all that is within me and ever more that appears not to be. I will continue to have lots of room for the complex human being that I am as I look to release the light of my spirit out into the universe. I will continue to consciously create a dream of life unfolding in this universe and that what needs healing is healed and what needs to fall away falls away. I also will continue to be surprised by life and the unfolding mystery, sometimes that surprise will create horrible feelings in me like the feeling created when my beautiful sister got sick and my friends in Japan were rocked, drowned and radiated, and sometimes that surprise will create exstatic feelings like when the Summit light filled the world, my sister got better and I heard from all my friends in Japan that they were ok.

Breathe out and Breathe in. Feel my heartbeat and feel the tear dropping from my right eye as I feel into the love and gratitude I feel for all of life.Kinda like this.